Report Shrinking Enthusiasts Pillows

"Can you fit our annual report into 140 characters or less?"

"I see the downsizing continues."

'Is your cabbage diet working darling?'

"Elon Musk is buying rope and walnuts."

'That was when I closed five distribution centres, mothballed a factory and sacked 3,000 workers.'

"I've downsized."

'I think I'm just coming up to the finishing line, Dear.'

Psychological Warfare Target Practice

". . . And you thought last month's sales figures just happened?"

Pension in race with tortoise and snail.

"Oh, he's cute, all right, but he's got the temperament of a car alarm."

'Of course business is slow. Would we want it any other way?'

See Manhattan . . . By Car!

"That's just the meds kicking in."

'I don't really have a personal best. I'm just sort of OK all the time.'

"I now offer DVR service for clients for want to see their future later."

'Medical researchers discovered that the leading cause of death by aging is due to birthdays.'

Speed Checked By Radar.

Fortune Telling: Retirement Planning.

"I need to lay off those seven birthday cakes a year."

"I like the idea of getting rid of our junk food, but instead of throwing the fridge out, you could've just thrown the food out."

"They say you're only as old as your face."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, lady, can't you read?"

The New York Review of Weather.

The end of the world is nigh.

He had tried many ways to quit smoking but only one worked.

The Faith-Based Family

A fridge surrounded by books.

"OK, let's talk about your narcissistic tendencies."

'here comes that funny little woman and her big husband!'

'If you wear 3-D glasses, it makes their indifference to anything but the bottom line see more lifelike.'

'You're obsessed with the bottom line. I like that in an employee!'

"If you never date a prediction it can't be proved wrong."

'She may be small, but she's got the spleen of a lion.'

Average Joe meets working stiff.