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'Wouldn't it be funny if it was just out of gas?'

"I'm having a little difficulty adjusting. The last place I worked was a lot bigger."

Acme Rubber Band Co.

"It's fixed, mate."

'Guess what? I fixed your jack-in-the-box.'

'Any day now I'll fix the roof.'

"Sir, you may find this book very helpful, too."

"Have you tried turning it on and off again..?"

"It's a great Fixer-Upper and this is Ken, single, available and a pretty decent handyman."

"Good news...turns out it was just your battery!"

'Don't you think it's time you did something about the draught in here?'

"I fixed your leaky tap and the oven door... but there's nothing I can do with that dodgy seal on the fridge!"

'Your car's ready, but drive carefully for awhile. I had to give the student an 'F' for the work he did on it.'

"The keep saying unrestored and what a nice PATINA, Ted. A better-sounding word for old tarnished stuff would be SCRINCH or SKRITCH, don't you think, eh, Ted?"

"I aways thought it would be stylish to live in a house with high ceilings."

"Nap time."

When did you last have your oil changed?

"Just buy a new one. It's over 40 years old. That must be about 160 in toilet years."

'Bad news, Dr. Treemont...It needs an engine transplant.'

'Found your problem - there was a hairball in the gasline.'

'Before you say it's got some old parts, remember that you installed it.'

A sudden draft. The moment he first felt comfortable calling himself a plumber.

'I'm after a longer dipstick. This one doesn't reach the oil anymore.'

DIY store.

'Lose another wrench to that black hole that sucks up all tools the instant you drop it?'

Four mechanics working on a car

"I'm done fixing your wheel, but these were left over when I got it put back together."

Warren was aware of his Carpenter Ant problem, but the sight of the Plumber Bee had him really concerned.

'Here, check it by processing my bill.'

Deux Ex Mechanic

Self-Serv: Patch the road yourself.

He'd get to the broken porch just after he fixed the broken axle, the broken stall and his broken dreams.

Unable to fix the hot water heater, the maintenance man relabeled the faucets, 'Cold' and 'Freezing.'

'It was nothing serious, just bugs in your radiator grill.'

'Before I give you the bill, I'm supposed to ask if you'd like me to buy you dinner first.'