Rental Rebels Gifts

'No love, the public haven't voted you out. You haven't paid your rent.'

I thought I heard opportunity knock, but it was the landlord nailing an eviction notice to the door.

"How will my tenants fit into these tiny flats. . .?"

Little girl dangling from her horse track.

'I miss telling people they can't have a day off to be with their sick children!'

"Get up at 7; leave for school by 8; no video games until after homework is done -- how about some regulatory relief?"

'What have I made for dinner? A reservation at the restaurant down the road. . .'

"If you find authority intolerable, remember, you're in good company."

"I can highly recommend the peanut-butter-and-jelly sandwich, served with a chilled glass of milk."

House hunting is cruel.

'Can I assume from the rent that this place comes with its own butler?'

"The landlord has promised to sort out the damp problems."

Man in bumper car sees traffic cop on bumper-car style motorcycle

"We'll get your food going as soon as the exterminators are done in the kitchen."

"As your cell bitch, I imagine my Sarbanes-Oxley expertise should come in quite handy."

Letting agent on the phone: 'OK, so there's fungus in the bathroom - but on the plus side, it IS organic.'

No skating, no parking, no loitering, no cycling, no games, no nothing

"I'm just saying you're not allowed to use your phone during class. You're not being de-platformed."

We divided it up and turned it into a rental.

It's a nice apartment but I don't want to pay my share of the national debt for rent.

"You know... this would be as good a time as any to rotate the tyres."

"When you pay the rent for your one-room studio, you mustn't think about what you can get for that amount back in Iowa."

The lessor of two evils.

'Surely it is no longer legal to include 'deposit of your first-born child'?'

'I'm sorry, but I just don't think you're cut out to sell real estate.'

'Here is the lead-based paint information, Fair Housing criteria, laws regarding tobacco use outdoors slip-and-fall warning, and barring any further public hysteria, the lease itself.'

'I think it's for compliance with some Federal safety regulation.'

Cluster Catastrophe

Rules and procedure

"Why, yes, I am 'still working on that.' You know what I'm not working on? Your gratuity!"

'Don't bother to leave a tip, I had one of your fish fingers.'

"I'd like to make a supper reservation for 12 disciples + 1, and could you put us at a table big enough so we can all sit on one side."

Generation Rend. Young man rending his garments in anguish at extortionate rents.

I don't care if all your friends are having it done

'How about some beef stew? -- the wusses from the Health Department made us discontinue the chili.'