Renovation Humorist Gifts

'Can you tell me how my new kitchen is coming along?'

'Fine stencilling. But have you never thought - Tit Willow, Tit Willow, Tit Willow?'

'I've had the place gob-stopper-dashed.'

Aqua Filter (frog jumping out).

"Are you looking for metric or imperial sized neck bolts?"

'The hard hats? In case of falling interest rates.'

'Still workin' on the beard, Jerry?'

'On today's market a property like this could fetch 175k... but with themed rooms, stone cladding, avocado bathroom suite and garden gnomes, you're talking closer to 95..!'

'My analysis indicates the need for an asbestos-ectomy, electrical-graphs and a plumbing-bypass.'

A cock up of builders

'No it's still not fixed'

'I don't want to be a nuisance, you can shoot me if it's more convenient.'

Dave, determined to go green by using only solar powered tools, will hereafter check weather reports before making bids.

"Whoa - You're gonna need a whole new string!"

How to Build a Bungalow

It' complications galore for Sparky when easy-to-assemble instructions are read upside down.

Cost cutting construction ideas that failed: using rhubarb instead of rebar in concrete.

"No, this metal stress can't be fixed with liberal doses of antidepressants."

"I think we can agree that the bridge collapsing is not a good thing."

'Useful Drywall Screws' next to a huge box of 'Useless Drywall Screws.'

'When did you get a ceiling fan?'

'That's gonna be a big job, boss.'

'We decided to rent out the back room until the baby comes.'

'There's nothing romantic about not being able to mend a fuse at your age!'

Do it yourself -- get someone else to do it -- get son to do it -- pay -- don't bother doing it -- move house

Private work adjustments

'You said to call back if the gas problem got worse.'

'How damp is this place? Let me put it this way: I use mold and mildew remover as a skin care product.'

'It's a gadget for buying gadgets over the net.'

"Is this your first bricklaying job, Kevin...?"