Renovation Fanatic Pillows

'We wanted to maintain the integrity of the original house.'

"Thanks! Carl put his heart and soul into it, along with, of course, lots of mud and a boatload of his own saliva."

'I found the termites!'

'You've reached McWit Quality Construction. If your foundation has cracked, press 1, if your plumbing is leaking press 2, if your house is collapsing, press 3 ...'

'What kind of alteration did you have in mind?'

"So, how's the money pit in the kitchen coming?"

'We finished all the repairs in the cafeteria kitchen this morning, but the food still tastes lousy.'

"I'm bored - let's buy a house in the country that has lots of problems."

"It's a lot of work, but we've decided to renovate this old factory."

"My pillow mania got out of control so I'm limiting myself to just one at a time."

'Now there's a real pro! He can even nail while power napping.'

Cartoon showing a group snails, one has a large shell underneath him. Another snail, observing, says to his mate: "Another basement conversion.".

"Do you prefer the tile engineered to look like wood, or the wood engineered to look like tile?"

"You'll have to excuse my Stuart. He's just showing off his new drill.

Cutaway view of house undergoing renovation

You're right, it's the house next door that gets the new window.

Clown couple in bed with wavy mirror above their bed.

'We're waiting for an estimate that doesn't make him do that.'

'Somebody keeps snapping all the stud boards in half. Anybody know anything about this?'

"Hey, take me home with you! Position me at a slight angle next to the elegant glass soap dispenser in the guest bathroom. It'll look great, you'll see!"

"It's not so much a fixer upper as a tear it downer."

'Would it have killed you to go with a store-bought model?'

"Ok Mr. Bisley, I'll admit it does need a bit of renovation..!"

Renovation work at Mount Rushmore.

'My hubby is getting better at D.I.Y. . . . Oh yes, he now spends more on screws than plasters.'

'We've had an application from No.10 Downing Street. . . they need to extend their cabinet room.'

'Now that you have a job, Tom, Dad and I are turning your room into a condo!'

"That's still too high"

"I'm all set to start the weekend reno project..." "And I'm all set to call 911."

'This guy's FAST!'

'Here's a house that needs fixing up. Are you handy with money?'

Spring cleaning.

At Halloween a little kid leaves the house wearing his father's construction clothes, tool belt and hard hat. In the window is a pumpkin with a hard hat on.

'I can use surgery to restore your sex drive. Do you want the £3000 operation or the £4000 one?' - 'I'd rather have a new kitchen.'