Remote Medicine Mavens Gifts

"Since this whole COVID thing I've had to adjust my practice."

'Just follow these simple instructions.'

'A problem with the Phase II trials. Everyone - all the people - was given the placebo, and no one got the drug.'

"Yeah, I know. bu tthe administration didn't want to appear culturally insensitive."

"The saying Use It or Lose It isn’t referring to one’s appetite."

Superbug Research Go For It / Got it

'You seem quieter tonight. Did they give you something to help you relax?'

"That's a big fat lie!"

'She's one of our nurses hiding from the patient load.'

The end is near

Look on the bright side...they'll probably name a disease after you.

Podiatry. The greated podiatrist of all time, you say? Yep. I studied at his feet.

The Canary in the Coal Mine

"We think we got some good CT scans, but unfortunately they're encrypted and our I.T. guy is on vacation this week."

'The good news is that it's not your fault.'

'I know my instruments are sterilized every day but I have no idea who does it.'

'I'm a practical nurse! -- I know better than to listen to doctors!'

'How could it have been rough for you back in Pharmacy school, Dad? You only had penicillin and aspirin.'

'Gastroenterology...do I know that?'

'Well, we're off for our xmas break - I'm sure you can manage without us for a couple of weeks.'

Vaccine hurdles

"I'm sorry, but the doctor no longer sees patients in person. But he does take e-mail from 9 to 3."

'We're trying to use a team approach to medicine, but we're having trouble fitting everyone!'

'Where does it hurt?'

ANd the Oscar for the best special side effects goes to ASTRAZENECA!

DO IT YOURSELF - Four new jobs we'll all have to do ourselves

Orthopedics. Pediatrics. Stuff they never taught your in nursing school.

"You just made medical history Mr Burnside. Your're the first one ever struck by lightning while on a bed pan."

"Don't just stand there gawping women! Give me a hand with my monthly salary!"

"Dad, I want to become a doctor. I already know something about anatomy: A human being consists of a head, a belly, legs, arms, and a smartphone."

'You forgot you list of possible side-effects.'

"Oh no, those aren't recharging stations for phones. We have those there so physicians can get themselves recharged!"

"Recent studies now show that people who use the aphorism ‘whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger’ have compromised immune systems."

'I had a taste of my own medicine yesterday - Yuck!'

"Judy and Chuck were both gelcaps, so their marriage dissolved faster."