Remodel Fiend Gifts

DIY'ers Heaven. I wonder if I can get under this floor covering and take a gander at the subfloor

Emergency Hipster Beard

You're telling me not to choose sides between Google and Apple. Precisely. Computer Villa. Stay neutral. Continue to support both companies. Emotionally. Right. By buying as much as you can from both companies. Doesn't that only benefit you? Heretic. Absolve yourself by upgrading your phone! Computer Villa.

'What's amazing is that I only threw one stick.'

"My pillow mania got out of control so I'm limiting myself to just one at a time."

"I look kind of nice today. . . How long have I been this ugly?"

'Wait a minute....!

Kicking The Habit

Liberties: civil and uncivil.

Rosemary's Baby Supplies

"It's fondue night!"

'My hubby is getting better at D.I.Y. . . . Oh yes, he now spends more on screws than plasters.'

"They're not as scary on casual Friday."

'Whadaya mean my fixed income is broken?'

'We wanted to maintain the integrity of the original house.'

"Well, I think we've proved our point...you want to push it, or should I?"

'Good news. We just made $21,450 online trading. Now we're only behind $347,364.'

Scariest Horror Film Ever: National Debt

Formula One Finish Line.

'She's going to six different psychiatrists for her compulsive comparison shopping problem.'

Pimp my cow.

"Your husband used the wrong emoji to express his feelings, which caused mass confusion. He'll be sentenced to a mandatory emoji educational class."

Decisions...Decisions.

"Well I've done the floor! Only two days hard graft, but I thought you said the apartment had a sea view..."

"I'm a corporate tax consultant... I've got a loophole named after me..!

"Your investments went down the toilet. You now own stock in a sewage company."

Paul Weller

'No way, I can't stand country and western.' (Farm Aid Rock festival in Somerset.)

"Notice anything different about me?"

"And this one has a butt recognition feature. Only you will be able to sit in it."

"You seem different."

"Would you like your custom blinds to get stuck on the left or on the right?"

'Table for two...'

"Quickly! Call the hair stylist!"

The card room at Bath