Reluctant Meditator Gifts

"What do I do to relieve stress? I meditate, about not working here."

Annoying neighbours - irritating wind chimes

"I'm still looking for the lap of luxury."

"I’ve got to take this. It’s someone who isn’t obsessed with summer fun."

"I am not asking for directions."

'Honestly, dear, I'm just giving my pedometer a rest.'

"You've been served."

'Hey, we have one of those. You hang your laundry on it.'

'Please join me now in a group meditation.'

No you can't get out yet. You've only been in there for three hours

'As long as I stand here I'm safe. . . no stress. . . no pressure. . . no need to impress. . . I can just relax and be who I am. . .'

Bob had trouble connecting with nature, whereas nature seemed to have no trouble at all connecting with Bob.

"I've been meditating as hard as I can and nothing happens."

"I'm not complaining - I'm just wondering if there are any religions where you don't have to meditate."

'You were talking in your sleep again.'

'Oi! Mind where you're going!'

"My physical therapist says this is the worst possible position you can lie in."

It was clear that, once again, Lyle was not being nominated for sainthood.

"I was celebrating Hump Day and ended up with Throw-Out-Your-Back Thursday."

'Pardon the mess. We just moved in.'

Now there's way over a billion of us. What does confucius say about that?

"So I take it you won't be going to the staff Christmas party!"

"Dr. Garcia is ordering to make a lot of changes in my life."

'Sailing, it's a sport that doesn't float my boat.'

Armstrong, I've worked here for a long time and I think I deserve a raise. How about it? I'll give you an Indian Ocean raise, minion. How does an Indian Ocean raise of $2 an hour sound? Fun fact: The Indiana Ocean's on the opposite side of the world, so its "up" is our "down." I don't think that's how "up" works, boss. "Relativity" is just a theory.

Dude Ranch. Activities Schedule. They have meditation classes! "Om" on the range!

Yoga studio: In 234 and Out 234.

Yeah, I'm having a lowest plane of consciousness kind of day. Chips.

I start teaching summer school next week...

"Ed's practicing his stand up routine. No, he's not a comedian...he's just standing up!"

'Shut up bitch, I'm trying to find my inner calm.'

Trans-continental Meditation. 'Are we there yet?'

Yoga n' Crisps

"Maybe next week when I'm feeling a little better."

'I don't exercise religiously.'