Meditation Skeptic Gifts

"I'm not complaining - I'm just wondering if there are any religions where you don't have to meditate."

"Son, it's time you learned the benefits of sitting around doing nothing."

'The creative process works best with a relaxed brain, so I'm letting my mind wander to let a solution drift in.'

"Do you guys serve beer?"

"Ooh, ooh, I know this koan! I got it! Pick me! Pick me!"

"And these are the Fab Four Noble Truths."

"What do I do to relieve stress? I meditate, about not working here."

'Let's start out with cliches and pithy slogans - and work our way up to wisdom ...OK?'

"It's a long way to Enlightenment. You might need some cash."

"Who plays ball with the Dalai Lama?" "That's right." "What's right?" "Who plays ball with the Dalai Lama." "Why are you asking me?"

Zenemies.

'Uh, Dad - My wife thinks she and I should have a mountain of our own.'

My God, I need to fart.

'I'm going to have an out-of-body experience -- can I bring you anything?'

Meditation

'It says, 'Life is like a transistor.''

Trivia Night in Apartment 8-G

'Oh dear! -- Well, look me up if you ever get reincarnated, okay?'

'I'll be back in three or four months - Hold that thought.'

Taking a little mental vacation can help as long as you don't go to mental.

'I hate to tell you this, but enlightenment just isn't for commuters.'

'Oh, yeah? -- Well, my true inner self can whip your true inner self!'

"... and this is Carol’s stupid meditation room."

"It's ok -- It's the Enlightenment Channel."

'We've got truth, we've got enlightenment, and we've got serenity - what we NEED is media coverage.'

'Have you been working out?'

"Did you unpack your baggage yourself?"

'Do you mean 'who cares what the meaning of life is,' or that 'who cares' IS the meaning of life?'

"You emptied your mind already? That was quick."

'Now, until you've attained perfect wisdom, you'll have to learn to evade questions.'

I swear, you don't hear a word I don't say.

'It's normal -- Enlightenment freaks a lot of people out.'

"They always fall for the old 'high-impact yoga' trick!"

'Oh, the guru is up on the next peak -- I'm his agent.'

Grok's Thought Stopping.