Reluctant Homemaker Pillows

'It never fails. As soon as I get in the bath, someone's at the door.'

'I was placed under house arrest for not doing housework.'

Golfing Boss

'What do you mean I don't take time to smell the flowers?'

'What have I made for dinner? A reservation at the restaurant down the road. . .'

Child doing the washing up

"The holidays are finished George, get over it!"

Mental To-Do List

John was bck from extended leave, but he hadn't quite got in the swing of things yet.

'Dress it up any way you want, it's still just doing laundry.'

"Occasionally he lobs a brick at the cat."

"How about supper in the tub tonight, Hon?"

You'll need all your energy when you get home.

'I'm too old to be a grandfather!'

Swiss Army Wife

'Hope I'm not catching you with a bird in the bath, Harold?'

Burning the midnight oil again?

"My physical therapist says this is the worst possible position you can lie in."

"Who called who never calls" "What's in the freezer? It's half a loaf of rye bread" "Fun quiz! When are you getting married? Page 12." "Top ten pieces of furniture to wrap in plastic"

"No need to rush back to work. The office lad is doing your job."

'I'm glad she's relaxed, but I'm pretty stressed out.'

'This one is a dieter's dream! Any visits to it between meals and it self destructs!'

"We just weren't compatible.Her body-clock was telling her to settle down and have kids,and mine was telling me that the pub was open."

Working from home

'Relax Bob. You're among friends.'

'Will open jars for food.'

"Dr. Garcia is ordering to make a lot of changes in my life."

Sign your marriage is in trouble.

'My husband hadn't kicked up his heels in 20 years, but he couldn't leave well enought alone.'

"Maybe next week when I'm feeling a little better."

Wash Cycles.

"We've got to get rid of them somehow. Offer them one of your home-made beers"

"Is it just me or is there something wrong about an air freshener called, 'Fresh Air'?"

"'Macho Soap'! For the house husband who wants red, raw, rough hands!"

"Hellfire or brimstone - which one's it gonna be? I can't hold these all day."