Sarcastic Homemaker Pillows

"Is it just me or is there something wrong about an air freshener called, 'Fresh Air'?"

Cloud Cuckoo Land, Hamburger bar, "I don't like the look of this Charlie"

"Exercise ball? No thanks, I'm growing my own."

'And just what makes you think I don't know what I'm doing?!!'

I'd like to take this menu and shove it where the sun don't shine. But I'll settle for the omelette & hash browns...

Do it yourself books.

On Valentine's Day, sometimes you don't need cards, candy or flowers from the ones who love you.

'What have I made for dinner? A reservation at the restaurant down the road. . .'

'I'm not sure how you managed to burn a bowl of cereal.'

"Your dinner's on the table and yours is under the table."

'Well, by golly! Martha's right, I did make those doors a touch too low.'

'All right, who sewed in the disposable diaper?'

"Despite my best efforts, you're still the man and I'm still the woman."

"O.K., so I shrank. But you must admit I am brighter."

"Occasionally he lobs a brick at the cat."

"You're not supposed to answer her when she talks to us."

"How about supper in the tub tonight, Hon?"

"I should've done this years ago. All the good ones got taken."

'I like home cooking if it's in someone else's home.'

'I'll have a BLT sandwich -- hold the 'B'.'

'You're problem is you don't think big enough.'

Disued Lighting - Heating - Cooking.

"See that yard with the garden gnomes and the idiot waxing his Nissan Cube? That's your bathroom."

'Sorry, dear, but upon advice from my attorney, I decline to give you an opinion on your Creamed Tarragon Flounder.'

Oh, for Pete's sake take some this medicine. You're useless, but at least it will make your COUGH more productive!

'Hope I'm not catching you with a bird in the bath, Harold?'

Rabbits on Pinterest

A dog locks a man out and sleeps in his bed.

"Who called who never calls" "What's in the freezer? It's half a loaf of rye bread" "Fun quiz! When are you getting married? Page 12." "Top ten pieces of furniture to wrap in plastic"

A ghost irons itself on an ironing board.

Things my vacuum cleaner likes to suck up

'Still it can't be any worse than last year, I never thought we'd have to suffer a 'traditional lacto-vegan' Christmas dinner.'

Watermelon Cult

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