Reluctant Freelancer Gifts

'The good news is, I've got no more trouble with my stupid boss and grumbling customers. The bad news is, our company is insolvent and I'm jobless.'

Golfing Boss

"The problem with these instructions is that they assume I have the attention span to actually read something."

'What do you mean I don't take time to smell the flowers?'

"Isn't us talking about how I would never take a ballroom dancing class an activity we're doing together?"

'Well, the magic of Christmas is officially over, unless it includes waking up to a septic tank backup.'

"The holidays are finished George, get over it!"

Desk boxes: 'In', 'Out', and 'What ever'.

Mental To-Do List

"You don't get a lot of work done, Jenkins, but I admire how thoroughly unstressed you are."

'...I don't want people to get the impression that I'm so passionate about my work that I'll be taking it with me!...'

John was bck from extended leave, but he hadn't quite got in the swing of things yet.

Stop staring at that screen saver!

"Go join your coach and the rest of your team. I'll be watching from the bar."

"Should I fix it or call it a water feature?"

Brian, I hope you're prepared for the conference in Hawaii. You bet!

Man ignores DIY book and instead reads book entitled: 'Get someone else to do it'.

'I couldn't decide what to wear to work so I just didn't go.'

'Dang it Sharif, I told you we shouldn't built the jacuzzi on an ancient bee burial ground.'

"My art speaks for itself."

"The boss is on a working vacation and we're on a nonworking vacation."

Burning the midnight oil again?

"I can catch up with all the chores my wife wants done over the Labor Day weekend."

"May, I don't care how wet the toilet seat gets, I turned the water off last time."

"I'm writing a book on everything I don't know about technology. It's a lot longer than I originally thought."

"No need to rush back to work. The office lad is doing your job."

"I don't know about this freelancing. I'd like someone to guard."

This week, House Manager Blowviatt has been asked to avoid the appearance of playing to the cameras.

'I'm home from a mind-numbing day at the office, ready to watch some mind-numbing TV.'

"For Christ's sake, Bob, tuck your shirt in."

We're actually looking for someone who just wants to get out of the house.

"Baldo, I need you to take this out to the dumpster."

'Relax Bob. You're among friends.'

"I really should call my mother — I just don’t want to talk to her."