Reluctant Chef Gifts

Recipes From The "I Really, REALLY Hate To Cook" Cookbook

'Today was a bit of a disaster.' - 'First I cut my finger and bled everywhere, then I lost my plaster while I was cooking.' - 'Do you want the last bowl of pumpkin soup?' - 'No, it's okay. You go for it.'

"Oh man. Tia Carmen's making that soup with all those weird vegetables."

"There's nothing to eat!"

"I have no idea what, hic, went wrong. I did everything, hic, Mario Batali said."

'As a surprise I thought I'd give the new cookbook a try tonight.'

"Still haven't quite figured out the pressure cooker, huh dad?"

"....And then chuck the whole lot in the dustbin and phone for a take-away."

"Keep in mind, this dish is best served in a restaurant cooked by anyone other than you."

"Dad fixed you a balanced breakfast - the runny eggs are balanced with burnt toast!"

'Step 5. Call the Fire Department.'

Desk boxes: 'In', 'Out', and 'What ever'.

"I want you to be well in life, son...."

"You don't get a lot of work done, Jenkins, but I admire how thoroughly unstressed you are."

'This soufle is hard.' - 'No it isn't, your teeth are soft.'

'I could beat these eggs a lot easier if it weren't for all the shells.'

'Liquor will solve this problem, chief!'

'Just call me Delia...'

Stop staring at that screen saver!

"I want proof that I even need that much iron before I go eating all that spinach."

"I like that you all brought enthusiasm, but did anyone bring food?"

Beth realized she wasn't such a great cook the night she tried to make an apple pie. 'Wow! Now that is good meatloaf!'

'Before I read the investment committee's report - I would remind everyone that I never asked to be on this committee.'

"Should I fix it or call it a water feature?"

Man ignores DIY book and instead reads book entitled: 'Get someone else to do it'.

"There's something wrong with your dinner."

"You don't have any cooking experience? We should be able to get you a job at a hospital cafeteria."

"The boss is on a working vacation and we're on a nonworking vacation."

'I couldn't decide what to wear to work so I just didn't go.'

"So if I replace all the ingredients with sand I should be okay."

'Dang it Sharif, I told you we shouldn't built the jacuzzi on an ancient bee burial ground.'

"No, dear. This meal isn't undercooked, you just haven't burnt it, for a change."

"My art speaks for itself."

Jo Jo Was Anything But a Quitter.

'Son, do you think I'm ready for my own cooking show?'