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Recipes From The "I Really, REALLY Hate To Cook" Cookbook

'Today was a bit of a disaster.' - 'First I cut my finger and bled everywhere, then I lost my plaster while I was cooking.' - 'Do you want the last bowl of pumpkin soup?' - 'No, it's okay. You go for it.'

"Oh man. Tia Carmen's making that soup with all those weird vegetables."

"There's nothing to eat!"

'You heard! There's no way I'm cooking for you!'

"I have no idea what, hic, went wrong. I did everything, hic, Mario Batali said."

'As a surprise I thought I'd give the new cookbook a try tonight.'

"Still haven't quite figured out the pressure cooker, huh dad?"

"....And then chuck the whole lot in the dustbin and phone for a take-away."

"Keep in mind, this dish is best served in a restaurant cooked by anyone other than you."

"Dad fixed you a balanced breakfast - the runny eggs are balanced with burnt toast!"

'Step 5. Call the Fire Department.'

Desk boxes: 'In', 'Out', and 'What ever'.

"You don't get a lot of work done, Jenkins, but I admire how thoroughly unstressed you are."

'This soufle is hard.' - 'No it isn't, your teeth are soft.'

"I want you to be well in life, son...."

'Just call me Delia...'

"I want proof that I even need that much iron before I go eating all that spinach."

'I could beat these eggs a lot easier if it weren't for all the shells.'

Stop staring at that screen saver!

'Liquor will solve this problem, chief!'

Beth realized she wasn't such a great cook the night she tried to make an apple pie. 'Wow! Now that is good meatloaf!'

"I like that you all brought enthusiasm, but did anyone bring food?"

'Before I read the investment committee's report - I would remind everyone that I never asked to be on this committee.'

Man ignores DIY book and instead reads book entitled: 'Get someone else to do it'.

"Should I fix it or call it a water feature?"

"My art speaks for itself."

"You don't have any cooking experience? We should be able to get you a job at a hospital cafeteria."

"No, dear. This meal isn't undercooked, you just haven't burnt it, for a change."

"There's something wrong with your dinner."

"The boss is on a working vacation and we're on a nonworking vacation."

'Dang it Sharif, I told you we shouldn't built the jacuzzi on an ancient bee burial ground.'

'Son, do you think I'm ready for my own cooking show?'

Jo Jo Was Anything But a Quitter.

"We try to give him a realistic outlook on life."