Hopeless Home Chef T-Shirts

'I think the salmon is thoroughly smoked.'

'Progress of a bookshelf'

"You do like octopus?"

"I have no idea what, hic, went wrong. I did everything, hic, Mario Batali said."

'Sorry, but we're going out for dinner.'

'Congratulations, dear! Your home cooked dinner was so good you'd think it was an expensive frozen entree!'

"Mommy's going to teach you how to make a hamburger."

Party time.

PREPARING A POMEGRANATE FOR DUMMIES

Lockdown casserole

"It's time you took a vacation, John. I said to 'marinate'... not 'palpate' the liver!"

"I thought we'd eat out on the patio for a change."

'I hope you all like stuffing.'

'Hurry up you guys! I'm about to serve dinner!'

'Anybody for breakfast?'

'Dinner will be ready soon -- the submarine sandwiches are soaking now.'

"Was there a photo in the recipe book? I'd love to see what it's meant to look like."

"It was meant to be a surprise romantic dinner for two, but to cut a long story short, it's been a recipe for disaster."

'Go on - they're organic!'

"I bought you a cook book. Think of it as technical support."

"Happy thanksgiving!"

Mankind's earliest ancestor emerges from the primordial ooze, closely followed by a prehistoric species of re-sealable plastic containers.

'We share the load - she cooks it, I eat it.'

Thanksgiving 2020

'Your dinner's in the microwave.'

Stay at home food pyramid

'What we were about to receive has gone the way of all flesh.'

'I hope it's okay -- the cookbook had some really confusing abbreviations.'

'I always buy him the toughest, chewiest steak. It shuts him right up for half an hour.'

'I think it's another modelling gig.'

'It was the last straw when she threw her lumpy gravy over me!'

"I was all the way to the corner....hen I smelled the chocolate chip cookies!"

Recipes from Hillary's Kitchen

"Honey, will you let the dog in? When your 3-Bean Salad kicks in, I'll need someone to blame."