Home Chef Survivor T-Shirts

"For twenty years he did nothing but criticize my cooking�"

Come dine with me!

'I think the salmon is thoroughly smoked.'

'Progress of a bookshelf'

"You do like octopus?"

"I have no idea what, hic, went wrong. I did everything, hic, Mario Batali said."

"Mommy's going to teach you how to make a hamburger."

'Congratulations, dear! Your home cooked dinner was so good you'd think it was an expensive frozen entree!'

Party time.

PREPARING A POMEGRANATE FOR DUMMIES

"It's time you took a vacation, John. I said to 'marinate'... not 'palpate' the liver!"

"....And then chuck the whole lot in the dustbin and phone for a take-away."

"I thought we'd eat out on the patio for a change."

Roasted

'I hope you all like stuffing.'

'Hurry up you guys! I'm about to serve dinner!'

"Was there a photo in the recipe book? I'd love to see what it's meant to look like."

Snow & Flo series: Questionable cooking.

'Dinner will be ready soon -- the submarine sandwiches are soaking now.'

'Go on - they're organic!'

'The kids are on a hunger strike, I'm on a diet, and you're on your own.'

'... But, why do you want me to sign a "waiver of liability form"?'

'My hero!'

"I bought you a cook book. Think of it as technical support."

"Happy thanksgiving!"

Scales

'Your dinner's in the microwave.'

'We share the load - she cooks it, I eat it.'

Microwave. Do you have any idea of the time pressure I'm under?

Thanksgiving 2020

Stay at home food pyramid

Mankind's earliest ancestor emerges from the primordial ooze, closely followed by a prehistoric species of re-sealable plastic containers.

'I hope it's okay -- the cookbook had some really confusing abbreviations.'

'Grandma makes everything from scratch! Why don't you ever buy any scratch?'

'I always buy him the toughest, chewiest steak. It shuts him right up for half an hour.'