Religious Tech Enthusiasts Pillows

'...and to speed up the collection process, donations can now be made by texting 'CHURCH' to 873346.'

Church window shaped computer monitor.,

"From the wind, the chill and the snow, a god is born."

"So no bases are uncovered, Sister Ann gives the sermon to the deaf and Brother Brooks blogs it."

'No, Father, they're not praying. They're texting.'

"Our father who art at www.heaven.com..."

The most popular Sunday at St Clive's was always the annual 'Blessing of the Smartphones' service.

". . . and don't forget to like and subscribe to my channel. Amen."

'Today's sermon may seem a little incoherent -- my 'Preach-o-Mat' program crashed.'

'For more details or to comment, please visit my faithbook page.'

Monk Synth Bell Ringers

"What format shalt I save these in?"

"Of course we have unlimited data..."

"Free wifi and unlimited refills are nice, but frankly, I expected more."

Jesus Saves

'Okay, now...while holding down the commandment key, type in the number ten.'

'Number 1 on my fave 5 is Dial-A-Prayer.'

"I've never seen the congregation praying this hard."

'Click on the icon.'

'He googles you. That's how God knows everything about you.'

Guru Needs Tech Support

"Could I get it as an ebook?"

"And do please remember to visit our online confession service."

"Use your finger to scroll down for the next five commandments."

'Please enter your sin, followed by the pound sign.'

"This model is great. It monitors my heart rate, vitals and counts my blessings."

''Unfriended' sounds so much more gentle than 'excomummunicated' does.'

'Dropped calls aren't my problem. My problem are dropped cell phones.'

"For your penance, text me 400 Hail Marys."

You look terrible. What happened. I didn't sleep a wink. I quit multitasking. Not I'm jittery. I'm bored. I've got all this restless energy. I stayed up all night sweaty, twitching, hallucinating about emailing from my cellphone while driving. A tech addict withdraws. Hook the Xbox into my veins, man!

Sign on church's marquee: Confessionals 6pm Tues & Thurs fax's accepted.

'Glory be! Father Ignatius has been enabled.'

"Dear Lord Elon, thank you for our daily tweet."

"Ok - now press, 'saved'."

"You're not in the database. It must've been a near-death experience."