Religious Studies Champ Pillows

"But Mom, how can it be a vacation when you're taking me to school?"

"Yes. I said 2 by 2, but you needed to use 2 by 4s for the Ark...begin again."

"Guess who brought king cake!"

"It's OK, I'm preordained."

"Um, I notice there's nothing in here about pork."

"Trust me Jesus, if you want to make a bigger impact work on being seeker friendly."

"The hyenas started it."

You got that beer that the monks make, didn't you?

"Wait 'til my Dad hears about this!"

'Yes, all at once!'

"Well, we needed the rain."

After 39 years, 11 months, 28 days, Moses finally received the GPS he ordered from Amazon.

"Sometimes Peter I wish it would just stay as water."

Trappist Monk Discord

'You'll never believe this - they've found the actual body of Jesus!'

"It's cool – God told us to!"

A surprise in heaven

"O Lord—why art thou such a drama queen?"

"They're SUPPOSED to have a disparate impact!"

"What? You broke number 3 already?"

"Uh Oh! Jehovah's"

"Ma, what does 'kosher' mean?"

'Look, I never said salvation would be PRETTY!'

The World's Biggest Book Club

'No, smart guy -- it means all of them at once!'

'You were great at 'Daniel in the Lion's Den!' -- I'd sure like to hear you do 'The Three Little Pigs' sometime!'

"Mainstream? Who's to say what's mainstream?"

"So, like, don't make any big plans for this weekend."

"This Adam and Eve thing -- Is there a warranty?"

Moses uses the burning bush to roast a kosher frank

"Drop everything, Dominic. I need you to proof this for blasphemy."

"It turns out you can 'take it with you' if you pack correctly."

'Number three?', 'This is NOT a quiz!'

'My husband? -- He went to the theologically-challenged place.'

"I wonder how many people are claiming to be your messiah right now?"