Religious Studies Academic Pillows

"It's not as friendly here as I thought it would be!"

"Yes. I said 2 by 2, but you needed to use 2 by 4s for the Ark...begin again."

"Guess who brought king cake!"

"It's OK, I'm preordained."

"Um, I notice there's nothing in here about pork."

"Trust me Jesus, if you want to make a bigger impact work on being seeker friendly."

"The hyenas started it."

You got that beer that the monks make, didn't you?

'Yes, all at once!'

After 39 years, 11 months, 28 days, Moses finally received the GPS he ordered from Amazon.

"Well, we needed the rain."

"It's cool – God told us to!"

"Sometimes Peter I wish it would just stay as water."

"What? You broke number 3 already?"

"They're SUPPOSED to have a disparate impact!"

The World's Biggest Book Club

"Ma, what does 'kosher' mean?"

'No, smart guy -- it means all of them at once!'

"You think two weeks in isolation is hard?"

"This Adam and Eve thing -- Is there a warranty?"

Moses uses the burning bush to roast a kosher frank

'My husband? -- He went to the theologically-challenged place.'

"No, this is NOT a beta-test!"

"It turns out you can 'take it with you' if you pack correctly."

"I wonder how many people are claiming to be your messiah right now?"

How world war III started.

'We'd better speed up the Eve project -- Adam's got himself an imaginary playmate.'

"But you can eat as much as you want from the tree of bullshit."

'Wow! It didn't take long to lose that new ark smell.'

'We were kind of hoping to let our CONSCIENCE be our guide.'

Hot cross buns

'Well, there go all MY plans....'

"Mark, you have to stop calling John's gospel 'Fan Fiction.'"

'I'll let your people go when they're fully pyramid-compliant!'

"If everything is God's will, tell me again why I need to study for exams?"