Religious Holiday Reveler Gifts

"The Kitmans in 12-B. Tell them Elijah is here for the Seder."

Christmas Tree

'I swear, if he didn't always pick up the tab, I'd never go drinking with him.'

"I remember his last words were, 'Another bite and I'll burst!'..."

Santa does a keg stand.

"Sir, you're not on the list - we've checked it twice."

Dance of the Red (Papal) Shoes.

The New Year's Dance

For the Wilsons, Gold Medalists Los Angeles '84, bathtime was always a ritual.

'For my family, Christmas and New Year's Eve is the busiest time... my husband is a spirits dealer and my son is an emergency doctor!'

'Do you expect to be stuffed on Thanksgiving?'

"Trick or treat?"

"So, with internet shopping and guaranteed next-day delivery, I figured now was as good a time as any to hang my sack up and retire."

The night after Christmas.

Nativity Scene on the Underground

T'was the night before Christmas and all through the house not a creature was stirring...except Bert who had a weak bladder!

"I don't know about you Mavis but I'm Mullered."

"I'm the designated driver."

Holiday Overkill.

"Yee yee hee hee how how yip yip."

Theatrical Christmas.

December Fest

"There's always someone who goes over the top with their rooftop decorations."

'It's not just the Oktoberfests, it's the novemberfests, birthdayfests, flagdayfests, mayfests, arboedayfests...'

'If you ask me, toys are getting far too realistic!'

Dogs play the double bass

"Due to a breakdown in communication, 'Nilla Wafers' will be used for the communion service."

Are we nearly there yet?

"Why did you become a crusader? You don't even go to church."

CIVICS 101

"During the holidays, we like to refer to organ donation as 'regifting.'"

Vicar with three taps: hot, cold and holy.

"Bartender - givish me another shot."