Religious Discussion Gifts

"Hi allow me to introduce myself...I sell life insurance and I'm also a Jehovah's witness.."

"The trouble with you religious types is you've no sense of humour."

"How was I supposed to know that the apple was a controlled substance?"

"I think you refuse to admit your god condones slavery, because doing so would be an admission you are more moral than he is. And that conflicts with your Borg programming."

"You can't offend me. I never mix religion or politics with reality."

"You say we atheists are going to Hell? Look at all the f**ks we give... Go ahead... Look at them all."

"I'm starting to prefer the ones who don't believe in me."

Today's sermon: 'Do sin taxes violate the seperation of church & state?'

"Nonsense - we're far less religious than you are."

Corruption trial in the Vatican

'If it's all the same to you, we'd prefer not to get involved.'

'So, I take it that diversity isn't a priority?'

'I used to think I couldn't serve both God and Mammon, and then I discovered multitasking!'

Atheist Convention: 'I don't believe it!'

"And lo, we made God in our own image.."

'Doesn't this 'chosen people' thing sound a little nepotistic?'

If there were no religion...s

I hear you're preaching godlessness, you little heathen. I'm preaching intellectual honesty. There is no proof of a Judeo Christian almighty. You might as well believe in Zeus or the spiritual powers of a raisin scone. Where do you think morality comes from? What do you think is the basis for our civil society? The almighty! All hail the raisin scone! HOJ.

Actual Results May Vary

'What did you say? 'The light is nothing but an ordinary streetlamp'? Oh no! My own son is an atheist??!'

"I gave him a public education Artie ol' boy. . . you should know by now that government schools are one of my best minion corporations!"

Carl thought Jesus was the answer...

Basic Theology

Blasphemer! Ignoramus. HOJ. Your anti-religious rants will lead to the breakdown of morality. The divine is our source of civilization and humanity. It's what separates us from lowly animals. That and our ability to turn worthless jungle into condos. You're playing dirty now, hairless one.

Liberals Ignore Science Too

"Any church that requires a fire hydrant is admitting it's a fraud."

Christian Speed Dating

"Let's face it - if your god existed, I'd been struck dead long ago for mocking her."

God is dead.

"The Bible does not say that!... And if it does, it's taken out of context!... And if it isn't, it's just a metaphor!... And if it's not, it's not a big deal!... And if it is, then that's just how things were done back then!... And if... er... shut up

"If I were your god, I'd have fact-checked this mess before publishing."

"My Bible's bigger than your Bible..."

'According to every religion, I'm going to hell. Except for Hinduism. But that's only because they don't believe in hell.'

Occupy God's Vacuum

'I wasn't created by evolution or by an intelligent being. I was created by the cartoonist that drew this cartoon.'