Religion Discussion Participant Gifts

Carl thought Jesus was the answer...

"How was I supposed to know that the apple was a controlled substance?"

"You can't offend me. I never mix religion or politics with reality."

"You say we atheists are going to Hell? Look at all the f**ks we give... Go ahead... Look at them all."

"I'm starting to prefer the ones who don't believe in me."

"Nonsense - we're far less religious than you are."

Corruption trial in the Vatican

Today's sermon: 'Do sin taxes violate the seperation of church & state?'

'If it's all the same to you, we'd prefer not to get involved.'

'So, I take it that diversity isn't a priority?'

'I used to think I couldn't serve both God and Mammon, and then I discovered multitasking!'

Atheist Convention: 'I don't believe it!'

If there were no religion...s

"And lo, we made God in our own image.."

'Doesn't this 'chosen people' thing sound a little nepotistic?'

Actual Results May Vary

'What did you say? 'The light is nothing but an ordinary streetlamp'? Oh no! My own son is an atheist??!'

"I gave him a public education Artie ol' boy. . . you should know by now that government schools are one of my best minion corporations!"

Basic Theology

"Any church that requires a fire hydrant is admitting it's a fraud."

God is dead.

"Let's face it - if your god existed, I'd been struck dead long ago for mocking her."

"The Bible does not say that!... And if it does, it's taken out of context!... And if it isn't, it's just a metaphor!... And if it's not, it's not a big deal!... And if it is, then that's just how things were done back then!... And if... er... shut up

"If I were your god, I'd have fact-checked this mess before publishing."

"Of course I believe in tithing, I'm just easing into it."

'According to every religion, I'm going to hell. Except for Hinduism. But that's only because they don't believe in hell.'

Bertrand Russell.

"My Bible's bigger than your Bible..."

"You sure are a passionate defender of what you imagine the bible says."