Religious Debates Gifts

"How can your god be both intangible and male? Does he have an intangible penis?"

"Trust me Jesus, if you want to make a bigger impact work on being seeker friendly."

"How was I supposed to know that the apple was a controlled substance?"

"I think you refuse to admit your god condones slavery, because doing so would be an admission you are more moral than he is. And that conflicts with your Borg programming."

"You can't offend me. I never mix religion or politics with reality."

"You say we atheists are going to Hell? Look at all the f**ks we give... Go ahead... Look at them all."

"This'll show the Theology Department."

"I'm starting to prefer the ones who don't believe in me."

Corruption trial in the Vatican

Today's sermon: 'Do sin taxes violate the seperation of church & state?'

Atheist Convention: 'I don't believe it!'

'I used to think I couldn't serve both God and Mammon, and then I discovered multitasking!'

'If it's all the same to you, we'd prefer not to get involved.'

'So, I take it that diversity isn't a priority?'

'Doesn't this 'chosen people' thing sound a little nepotistic?'

"Can atheists refuse to participate?"

"And lo, we made God in our own image.."

Equal Time for All Christians

I hear you're preaching godlessness, you little heathen. I'm preaching intellectual honesty. There is no proof of a Judeo Christian almighty. You might as well believe in Zeus or the spiritual powers of a raisin scone. Where do you think morality comes from? What do you think is the basis for our civil society? The almighty! All hail the raisin scone! HOJ.

If there were no religion...s

Actual Results May Vary

'What did you say? 'The light is nothing but an ordinary streetlamp'? Oh no! My own son is an atheist??!'

Basic Theology

Blasphemer! Ignoramus. HOJ. Your anti-religious rants will lead to the breakdown of morality. The divine is our source of civilization and humanity. It's what separates us from lowly animals. That and our ability to turn worthless jungle into condos. You're playing dirty now, hairless one.

"I gave him a public education Artie ol' boy. . . you should know by now that government schools are one of my best minion corporations!"

"Any church that requires a fire hydrant is admitting it's a fraud."

Liberals Ignore Science Too

God is dead.

"Let's face it - if your god existed, I'd been struck dead long ago for mocking her."

"If I were your god, I'd have fact-checked this mess before publishing."

"The Bible does not say that!... And if it does, it's taken out of context!... And if it isn't, it's just a metaphor!... And if it's not, it's not a big deal!... And if it is, then that's just how things were done back then!... And if... er... shut up

"Of course I believe in tithing, I'm just easing into it."

"My Bible's bigger than your Bible..."

Bertrand Russell.

'As an atheist, are you not even a little worried about suffering God's wrath?'