Religious Debate Enthusiast Gifts

"Love the work you've been doing with the Church recently."

"My parents wanted me to join the priesthood, but I didn't think I'd have the stomach for that much controversy."

"You sure are a passionate defender of what you imagine the bible says."

'I did not believe in God before. But then I saw this poster, with clouds on it, and now I totally do!'

'This has nothing to do with the election!'

"Apparently Jesus died and turned white for our sins."

"No idea worth believing requires coercion."

"Your god had the opportunity to forbid slavery. But instead he chose to forbid women in authority, bacon, and masturbation. Clearly he wanted us to be miserable."

"How was I supposed to know that the apple was a controlled substance?"

"Did Melina Mercouri ever get those marbles back to Greece?"

'Steve says that he doesn't understand why the liberals are so glum! They already have a majority.'

"You can't offend me. I never mix religion or politics with reality."

"You say we atheists are going to Hell? Look at all the f**ks we give... Go ahead... Look at them all."

Bigot Spigot

"I'm starting to prefer the ones who don't believe in me."

Abdullah Debate

Corruption trial in the Vatican

Today's sermon: 'Do sin taxes violate the seperation of church & state?'

'If it's all the same to you, we'd prefer not to get involved.'

'So, I take it that diversity isn't a priority?'

Atheist Convention: 'I don't believe it!'

'I used to think I couldn't serve both God and Mammon, and then I discovered multitasking!'

"And lo, we made God in our own image.."

'Doesn't this 'chosen people' thing sound a little nepotistic?'

Actual Results May Vary

Theresa May

'What did you say? 'The light is nothing but an ordinary streetlamp'? Oh no! My own son is an atheist??!'

Basic Theology

"I gave him a public education Artie ol' boy. . . you should know by now that government schools are one of my best minion corporations!"

"Perhaps you should focus your message less on the economy and more on little shiny things."

"Let's face it - if your god existed, I'd been struck dead long ago for mocking her."

God is dead.

"The Bible does not say that!... And if it does, it's taken out of context!... And if it isn't, it's just a metaphor!... And if it's not, it's not a big deal!... And if it is, then that's just how things were done back then!... And if... er... shut up

"If I were your god, I'd have fact-checked this mess before publishing."