Relaxed Conversationalist T-Shirts

"They've got Hank on some of that medical marijuana."

PSA Banter.

'You must be Jim's new gardener. I'm his neighbour, Gerald. Had any luck with the Petunias this year? Aren't those Jim's feet sticking out of the ornamental pond?'

Remember my mum? I took that photo a week before she died. There's one of me...that was a good haircut.

'Hold on, Bob. I'm downshifting.'

"I devote most of my time to defending the bastions of culture."

Snow is falling...

'Fred is a social conservative -- he believes in slow food and heavy beer.'

"That's where the tenured faculty members hang out."

"Oh, the usual - spreading pestilence and misery. You?"

"You look quite presentable when you make the effort. Your ex-wife always told me you scrubbed up well."

The Schmoozy Reaper

Student: 'Is the medical marijuana thing a grass-roots movement?'

"Just sitting here widening. You?"

'Well - how has everyone wasted time and energy today?'

"My salad days have all turned to coleslaw..."

'I drink to bring about change.'

'It's a doughnut - just eat it!'

"Some days I really wish I had finished med school. Not that I ever started med school."

"It's beginning to appear as if I'll never have greatness thrust upon me."

"You don't have to schedule a follow-up visit. You just come back whenever you want."

'Last night Gary put me in an impossible position.'

'I'll tell you my subtext, if you tell me yours.'

"Let's face it, Tom. A society that's paying its Frank Sinatras and Johnny Carsons more than its yous and mes is out of whack."

"I hate rhetorical questions. Know what I mean?"

"Round of golf or a round of drinks?"

'Sam's not really a seafaring man but he can yo-ho-ho with the best of them.'

"My gut instinct was to say yes. . . but years in social work have shown me how these things end up working out."

"What if I tried again with an English accent?"

"Sorry. I was expecting the lady. I can see you're busy. I'll call sometime. We'll do lunch."

'When did the world get into such a big hurry?'

Success Without Effort

"You know why men die earlier than women? Because they can."

"It's probably bad news if she refers to the second date as 'mission creep.' "