Relaxed Conversationalist T-Shirts

"They've got Hank on some of that medical marijuana."

PSA Banter.

'You must be Jim's new gardener. I'm his neighbour, Gerald. Had any luck with the Petunias this year? Aren't those Jim's feet sticking out of the ornamental pond?'

Remember my mum? I took that photo a week before she died. There's one of me...that was a good haircut.

'Hold on, Bob. I'm downshifting.'

'Fred is a social conservative -- he believes in slow food and heavy beer.'

Snow is falling...

"I devote most of my time to defending the bastions of culture."

"Dude, Amazon is so popular they named a river after it."

"That's where the tenured faculty members hang out."

Actually, I prefer to think of my body as repurposed.

"Oh, the usual - spreading pestilence and misery. You?"

Student: 'Is the medical marijuana thing a grass-roots movement?'

The Schmoozy Reaper

"You look quite presentable when you make the effort. Your ex-wife always told me you scrubbed up well."

"Just sitting here widening. You?"

'Well - how has everyone wasted time and energy today?'

"My salad days have all turned to coleslaw..."

"It's beginning to appear as if I'll never have greatness thrust upon me."

"Some days I really wish I had finished med school. Not that I ever started med school."

'It's a doughnut - just eat it!'

'I drink to bring about change.'

"You don't have to schedule a follow-up visit. You just come back whenever you want."

'I'll tell you my subtext, if you tell me yours.'

"Round of golf or a round of drinks?"

'Last night Gary put me in an impossible position.'

'Sam's not really a seafaring man but he can yo-ho-ho with the best of them.'

"I hate rhetorical questions. Know what I mean?"

"Let's face it, Tom. A society that's paying its Frank Sinatras and Johnny Carsons more than its yous and mes is out of whack."

"My gut instinct was to say yes. . . but years in social work have shown me how these things end up working out."

"What if I tried again with an English accent?"

"Sorry. I was expecting the lady. I can see you're busy. I'll call sometime. We'll do lunch."

'When did the world get into such a big hurry?'

Success Without Effort

"It's probably bad news if she refers to the second date as 'mission creep.' "