Calm Conversationalist T-Shirts

"That's what I like about hanging out with you, we can talk quietly: All my other friends are hyperactive..."

PSA Banter.

Why we need poetry. . .

Pet Shop - Parrot labeled as 'Good Listener'

"Remember, Mort: Courage isn't the absence of fear. Courage is remaining media-savvy in the face of fear!"

'I do so much better with women when I quit trying to understand them and just repeat what they say to each other.'

"Why... are there so many people who never eat pork? Because we have some excellent PR people working on our behalf."

"How do I know God is not real? For the same reason I know people on TV can't see me."

"I devote most of my time to defending the bastions of culture."

"Oh Gregori! You tell such funny stories!"

Snow is falling...

You May Bang Your Head Here/You May Talk To Here.

Student: 'Is the medical marijuana thing a grass-roots movement?'

'Well - how has everyone wasted time and energy today?'

'Talking about Jesus is NOT name-dropping!'

Statue of Christopher Columbus

'I don't think you're trying hard enough to look at things from the sinner's perspective, Reverend.'

'Hello, handsome - is that a Billy Cotton ringtone?'

'Every time I go on an ego trip, I get hijacked by terrorists!'

'You're an estate agent aren't you?'

Social butterfly

'Sam's not really a seafaring man but he can yo-ho-ho with the best of them.'

'It says, the higher a man's I.Q., the longer he's a virgin... well, bud... here's your Nobel Prize nomination!'

"Oh, you mellow with age alright: I even like the postman now..."

'The therapy is working... I don't use all caps in emails anymore.'

'Charles, we hired you distinctly because you're a people person.'

"You haven't had sex since 1959? You shouldn't complain - it's only ten past eight now..."

"What can I say: It's nice to get away from the kids once in a while..."

"No matter how dire the problem...no more memos that start with 'YIKES!'"

"Darn it, she's unreachable when she gets her inbox down to zero."

"I don’t know if this is just the cashews talking, but I find you absolutely delightful."

"Phil is my Vice President in Charge of Snappy Comebacks."

"Hey, baby - that doesn't mean you!"

"Behold, as I guide our conversation to my narrow area of expertise."

'I usually say what I think.'. . .'I usually think what I say.'