Relativity Mavericks Gifts

'I come from the future - any questions?'

'As I see it, our choices are 'no' and 'hell no'.'

'I want ideas so bold, so wildly innovative, so undeniably brilliant that they retain a shred of originality after everyone picks them to pieces.'

'Can't he ever use a different kind of chart?'

'I sometimes wonder if these endless meetings accomplish anything.'

Targets.

"He's not sleeping. He always dims his display while downloading data."

"Every now and then, I find myself in a room filled with people who are wrong."

"Since I am chairman, it behooves me to go first. 'What I Did Over My Summer Vacation,' by Wilson Rupert Hewes."

'Who wants the talking stick?'

"We must kill this initiative, so let's mainstream it."

"I liked it better when you used gobbledygook."

"Who ordered the bravest tuna on all the seven seas, anointed with the spice of faraway lands, on wheat toast?"

"Anything goes today: I want this to be a free and open discussion of my entrenched positions."

The Acme Agency: Dedicated to life, liberty and the pursuit of media exposure.

'And I say he makes us look bad when he rides around listening to those books.'

"The result of our last meeting are impressive: 3 completely solved crossword puzzles, 7 battleship matches, 5 shopping lists, and 26 really funny doodles."

'I say we try it.'

Management Speak - reading between the lines: "This new role would involve some extra responsibilities." "He wants me too work twice as hard."

'Beasley, you're a good communicator, look down the table and make eye contact for me!'

'Life isn't fair! Most of the stuff I worried about over the years never even happened!'

"We have a REALLY high turnover rate here."

"Oops! Wrong plug."

"Your Easter bonuses are hidden throughout corporate headquarters."

'A simple, 'profits are up', would have sufficed.'

'First, I'd like to welcome the presidents of the two internet networking companies that just merged with us.'

'If you know what's good for you Allan, you'll let me pass.'

DO IT YOURSELF - Four new jobs we'll all have to do ourselves

'Let's go around the room, and talk about the edgy, creative things we've done so far today.'

"Let's all go out & get drunk."

'Well, it looks like the 'yea' has it.'

"Read me back the minutes from the last dip."

Proposed Changes To The Laws Of Gravity

'Penny for them, Albert.'

Humor in the workplace is serious stuff. Never laugh before the drum roll.