Relationship Troubles Aficionado Pillows

"Your husband went back to his first wife and is already on board."

"Call me?"

"We’ve nailed guitar-solo-face. Time to try playing instruments."

"I'm just saying. This would be even MORE romantic if we couldn't see in the dark."

Sitting in a tree

Valentine Day

Mantis Love

"Most women find me too cutthroat."

"I'll be honest with you, I've been around the block a few times."

"You kept me awake all night, grinding your gums."

"I opened the last of the emergency wine."

Tongue in the ear...

Today, proud and accomplished the career woman re-enters the dating world, ready at last to meet the man of her dreams. . .

Love Birds love just being together

"Sorry I'm late: my parents insisted I wear protection on our first date, so I stopped to buy a flea-collar..."

"Since my divorce I thought I'd never laugh again. Then I noticed your toupee."

'That's one of those May-December love affairs. He's 251 years old, and she can't be a day over 135!'

You just keep giving.

Banana Smoothie

'I'm developing a foot fetish.'

"I hope you don't think I'm the kind who would hibernate on the first date."

"I'm gonna talk to her. How's my breath?"

"It's me, Lucky—you can drop the best-friend shtick."

'You're a filthy pig, Gordon! I guess that's why I love you so much.'

'Wow, 600 lbs of dark chocolate signals that you won't mind my inevitable obesity.'

"Legs up to here!"

"Oh Darling, you're spoiling me! I've never tried tropical fish!"

'He's not getting lucky tonight. He smells too good.'

A small heart within a big heart.

'I even love the way you snore!'

I can't bear to be without you.

"I'll tell you what he's got that we haven't - a bigger leaf!"

'It's our fifth date, so I'll take a box of impatience.'

'I met the greatest guy! He's sweet, he's handsome, and his insurance policy is Equity Indexed Whole Life!'

'Oh, now that's a nice vase...'