Relationship Tactician T-Shirts

"I fight your mother here so I don't have to fight her at home."

You're wearing your lab coat. What's up? Something big. Amending my unified theory of picking up chicks. Check it out. Explain, doctor. To start, you'll need a notepad and a gym membership.

'I wish my wife would stop playing mind games with me. I'm tired of losing.'

"Our marriage counselor would be so proud of us now."

"Your wonderful daughter and I would like to become engaged in F.Y. '97, married in F.Y. '98, and if the numbers look good, start a family in F.Y. '99."

The best financial decision I ever made.

"It's Swamp & Swallow - they're making an offer we can't refuse!"

Takeovers.

"That's Hicks from the corporate office. He's adorable, but trust me—when it comes to acquisitions, he's an animal!"

"Sophia, will you agree to form a joint exploratory committee for marriage?"

"And anyway we'd be no good in bed - I've done the math."

'Competition is good...unless it's too good.'

"I see marriage as a verb, he sees it as a triathlon."

"You used to be that ambitious."

Carrot VS Stick

'So far, sir, we've rejected plans A,B, C, D, E, F, and right now we're evaluating'G'.'

"I'll agree to a pre-nup if you'll agree to a non-compete clause."

'Jones, somewhere out there, we've lost our common sense. I want you to go and bring it back.'

'Are you going to answer my text message or not?'

'Larry, you have everything it takes to go far in this company, but a word of advice: lose the laugh.'

Separations.

"I was able to negotiate it from a hostile takeover to an uneasy alliance."

The date was going well. She was better looking, but he was about to gain the nutritional edge.

'This is Osgood, our most essential man -- he thinks up new ways to limit warranties!'

"Hi, I'm Cindy, the company's most toxic employee!"

"Agreed. We'll reduce our arsenal of insults, jibes and grievances by one-third but will be permitted to stockpile them for use should the need arise."

'Remember, Henderson - Give a man a fish and he eats for a day. Teach a man to fish and you've sacrificed your leverage.'

Being unable to clearly articulate responses to interview questions is a common mistake...

'Our love life has become market-driven.'

"I'm afraid your wife gets to say 'I told you so.'"

'That's it. Work out your aggressions just like the wild rams do.'

"You can't expect to get anywhere in business without making an enemy or two, Filmeyer."

"It's a dog-eat-dog economy. And I'm the Doberman."

"He's all mine. Life is good."

"I just want someone who texts me as often as Joe Biden does, you know?"