Love-life Tactician T-Shirts

'It was a wonderful evening, Jack...please don't spoil it by asking for a promotion.'

'I sent out for everything.'

"He keeps reissuing everything I take issue with."

"What I’ve learned is you have to look deep inside your heart and ask yourself, ‘What is it that she really wants to hear?’"

"Hurry up with that dictionary!"

Colin could see that his competitor had obviously done his market research.

The Plinth Wedding Planner Co.

'Thanks for inviting me round to watch tv. Where is it?'

Planned Parenthood: Not Tonight Dear. I Have a Headache.

'It was so romantic. He got down on one knee, showed me the ring, and proposed--right after we exchanged credit reports.'

Dating the efficiency expert.

"I don't know whether to love you or leave you - but then that's the reality of arbitrage."

If you are ringing your coach to ask about your next move then we're finished.

"I'm not trying to change you. That's the personal trainer I hired's job."

Marriage counselor, living together counselor or a just screwing around counselor.

'This paintball war has really spun out of control.'

'First, you have to stop treating your husband like a child.'

"No, I don't think our marriage would benefit from a mission statement."

'By proposing a merger instead of marriage, we can deduct this meal as a business expense.'

'I find the best way to get them to grow up is to buy them a 1-way ticket to Europe, and let them work their way back.'

'Sir! We're all doomed! It's a fitted sheet! How can we ever hope to stop something we can't even fold?!'

'Pay no attention, they are a couple of ex husbands.'

"This is as far as your air miles take you."

Don't let your your evil twin be your wingman when trying to pick up a woman in a bar.

How to feel confident in love & war

'When you play hard to get you really mean it, don't you?'

"I married for contrast."

'...assuming the numbers are right, ask her to marry you.'

"O.K., so we'll have sex and if that works out we'll go for a nice dinner and maybe a movie."

Cupid Takes it Up a Notch

"My mating dances were unsuccessful, so I tried reciting poetry: didn't work either..."

'I'm thinking of marrying Jim. But first, I have to engineer an introduction to him....'

Cupid's Heart Dartboard

"We can stop the bombardment - the castle surrendered."