Relationship Strategist T-Shirts

"In Vino Fertilization"

"Look, all I'm asking is that we let market forces bring a greater degree of efficiency into our marriage."

"Point your feet away from him-that means your're not interested."

"I never take no for an answer. As a result, I've been married 27 times."

'He shouldn't be here really. There's a pile of ironing at home.'

'He's remarrying her for his money.'

"I've done the numbers, and I will marry you."

'I want a second opinion. What does your wife think?'

'My husband took these pills to give him some get up and go, and the next thing I knew, he got up and went.'

"Look, I'm doing a little me-time right now. Why don't you go ahead and do a little you-time, and then I'll be over at eight for a little us-time."

"Agreed. We'll reduce our arsenal of insults, jibes and grievances by one-third but will be permitted to stockpile them for use should the need arise."

"They're having a price war."

'Do you have any wolves in sheep's clothing?'

"Monogamy is like a portfolio with only one investment in it?"

The best financial decision I ever made.

"This is boring. Let's have children."

'This was taken when I loved to run my fingers through his thick, black hair. These days, I prefer to run them through his wallet.'

'She had an exit strategy.'

'OK, you win, I've stopped playing hard to get.'

'That will be fine, go ahead and book - it'll just take a couple of days for me to convince him that it was his idea.'

'These are all the coalitions I've formed.'

'My wife can be argued with, but her mother's decisions are final.'

'Something is bothering you Roger. A wife can tell.'

'We never communicate any more except through our lawyers.'

'Our love life has become market-driven.'

'We were married before, and now he wants a rematch.'

'We're having another leadership contest'

'Either we get married or we split up. I'm through playing games.'

'She's had three husbands,including her own!'

'Of course I have simple tastes — I married you, didn't I?'

First husband...second husband...third husband.

"I follow my ex to learn his routine so I can avoid him."

"I don't know what bothers me more... the fact that you want to leave me for a younger guy or the fact that this bloke is 72 years old..."

"I deliberately let him eat as much as he wants. So now he's too fat to attract other girls."

"In love, if you have to choose your battles, you've already lost the war."