Relationship Rookie Pillows

'Sorry, it's not programmed to find you a date.'

"Hey, not bad! You sound like a real couple already!"

"Baldo, a young man like you might have a lot of questions...about feelings, emotions...not knowing what is right and wrong. Remember, mi'jo...I'm here if you need me."

"So...have you ever kissed a girl before?"

"They met in the express-checkout lane at the A.&P. and have slowed down only occasionally ever since."

It's my biggest project - a database of all my sister's boyfriends.

'Thou shall not covet the neighbours same sex partner.'

"Our online romance needs fresh start. I think it's time to hit 'ctrl', 'alt', 'delete'."

Dating the efficiency expert.

'He's narrating it, I just know it.'

'Should I try a three point turn?' - 'Better not, we only have 30 minutes left.'

'One question, Vicar. Is it bad luck to invite any of the other people we're sleeping with?'

"Wellness clinics, stress-management checkups, hypertension screenings, lab tests, crisis after crisis. Fibre foods, fish-oil capsules, unsaturated spreads, plaque. Say what they may, McCormack, we did it our way."

DATING FOR NON-DUMMIES

'I thought Lobsters mate for life.'

'And you must be Hank, my husband's new business partner!'

"Smiley, where will we be in 10 years?"

Too Weird to Have a Husband

Bird Cage Cover over Wife's Head

Church Drive-Thru.

'This is our last date, Harry. I think I should see other weirdos.'

'I think it's fair to say we're opposed to tame sex marriage.'

"Of course he hasn't called - you bit off his head."

'I'm sorry, Jerome. Instead of marriage and having kids, I've decided just to have myself cloned.'

'Yes, this is my first time at speed dating. Is it that obvious?'

'Surprised she's getting married again. In lieu of wedding gifts, she's asking for donations to help retain a divorce lawyer.'

"I brought Tom home to my parents and left him there."

"Surely not zero tolerance?"

"He sounds like a papaya I bought that just went straight from green to rotten."

"He's quick with the birds and the bees stuff, but then comes the bulls and the bears. . ."

"In a world of beefcake, I'm dating tofu."

"Bertha, will you do me a favor and stop reading those damn 'How to Save Your Marriage' articles?"

'Aaaawww...You're cute when you are wrong.'

"I'll kiss you later. Catch! I meant catch you later!"

"Call me when you've learned how to have an adult relationship with your apartment."