Relativity Rookie Pillows

'I love your playing....especially when you stop!'

"Notice how Dad ages faster at relativistic speeds?"

'Should I try a three point turn?' - 'Better not, we only have 30 minutes left.'

'You mean they don't come with an instruction manual?'

"Since you're a computer geek, I suggest lifting the box the weights came in."

'I decided it was time to be more active when my wife started dusting me twice a week.'

Retireee sits at desk on beach

"So...have you ever kissed a girl before?"

Relativity explained; the woman on the train will always appear more attractive than the woman on the platform.

'There are only two things stopping you from being a good dancer, Mr. Jones. Your feet!'

'Yes, this is my first time at speed dating. Is it that obvious?'

"Hey, not bad! You sound like a real couple already!"

"I'll kiss you later. Catch! I meant catch you later!"

"How'd you know I was from New York?"

"He's quick with the birds and the bees stuff, but then comes the bulls and the bears. . ."

'They've got $5 tables everywhere here. Where do you feel the luckiest?'

"So, is this your very first visit to a massage therapist?"

'Son, you just got your first credit card and you're going on a date. My advice: keep it in your pants.'

"Not only do we not know how to turn it off, we also don't know how to dispose of it when it burns out."

Well, maybe you can find a do-it-yourself Youtube video showing a husband taking the clothes to the laundromat.

To an observer approaching the speed of light, Einstein and his surroundings appear to be tall and thin.

'This is too complicated. I think I'll just hold on to my waste and hope it eventually disintegrates.'

"So...how'd you like your first kiss?"

"Baldo, a young man like you might have a lot of questions...about feelings, emotions...not knowing what is right and wrong. Remember, mi'jo...I'm here if you need me."

"Look lady, try and get it straight. It's tin cans, glass bottles or newspapers!"

"I would use less pressure when massaging the baby's abdomen."

"Hey, Siri. Remind me why I married a man who couldn’t find his way out of our driveway."