Relationship Roaster Gifts

"Oh stop judging me, Gerald!"

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

In the Guru District

"Jackie, why does your relationship status read ‘capitulated to’ me?!"

"I can't decide if we're good people who are bad at communicating, or monsters who communicate perfectly."

'Now what brings you lovely people here?'

"She's in a conversationally induced coma."

"They met in the express-checkout lane at the A.&P. and have slowed down only occasionally ever since."

"Just keep quiet and listen to what we have to say."

That may well be how the catalk models do it, but I still think you look like a three legged horse in a field of cowpats!

"We'll always have couples therapy."

"No, I really DO love you. It's just that my committee has some issues."

Couples' therapy

"This will be hilarious!"

"The TV remote? So, I decide what we watch tonight?"

"The yellow spotted green bird, eats its body weight in bugs, and mates once every three years."

The prying mantis,

"What's going on Jen? Why didn't you respond to my kissing emoji?"

'Great Therapy!'

"She wanted to go to the beach. I wanted to golf."

"I've switched my energy provider, and I switched my broadband provider. Now I want to switch my misery provider."

"I've been out of the dating scene a long time. Is kissing still a thing?"

"He keeps reissuing everything I take issue with."

"Yeah. But he's a handful."

"Of course I won't forget to tell you when quarantine's over!"

"There's something I have to tell you."

"Y'know, I don't know what I'd do without her, but I'd sure like to find out."

"Want to deal with some unresolved issues or just get another movie."

"If I ever start turning into my father do me a favor and don't turn into my mother."

"Store policy is that I need a note from your wife."

'Your wife says you act like a fool. I thought you said she never pays attention to you.'

"When we first started seeing each other, we would always use the same word for snow."

"Do we go out or do we stay home and open a can of worms?"