Relationship Riddle Solver T-Shirts

"I didn't say WE were going on a double date. I said I was going on a double date."

"Your wife probably doesn't understand you because you always sound muffled."

"He's a Hypochondriac !"

Though he created more than 300 products from peanuts, George Washington Carver was unable to change even one of them back into a peanut.

'I'll give you a clue. The answer is a number, not a fruit.'

"You've reached Randy the love doctor. What ails you?"

"This just in: one of us always tells lies; the other always tells the truth. Who's who? Stay tuned."

Oedipus

Company Ink.

One can hardly be expected to solve the riddle of existence without a computer

"Dear Diary: Today I picked a peck of pickled peppers."

"Helen, is it possible that we are using our child as an intimacy barrier?"

Answers to last week's brain-teasers

"You complete me, Barbara."

"No heroic measures."

Cryptologists Anonymous

'...Or not.'

"It's all hypothetical, of course, but how much wood do you think you could chuck?"

"Maybe the alignment's off. It's been acting a little buggy."

'What goes ho, ho, ho, plop?'

"Let's just agree to disagree." "I suggested that first!"

"I give up. What's black and white and red all over?"

'Okay, I give up. What is black,has two wings and fourteen legs?'

"Sometimes George, you're a complete mystery to me..."

"Miss. you said that a single rabbit could reproduce a hundred times a year? What about a married rabbit?"

'Soon I will have proved it ONCE AND FOR ALL!'

"Full moons were a problem but it's gotten a lot calmer since we installed the doggy door."

Wordplay: Fertilizer.

"Stacy, Tom thinks you've been acting distance since you became a flight attendant."

"Those were the toughest tryouts I've ever had. Everyone has shown great improvement, but I only have one slot open. Congratulations, Gracie! You're the newest member of our academic decathlon team!"

"Instead of paying me compliments, he gives me I.O.U.'s!"

"No one else, huh! So who the hell is sending you a pigeon at four in the morning?!"

What's grey, has four legs and a trunk?

'Thank goodness the FDA now requires us to number each grape. We were almost caught up around here.'

Troll bridge ahead: please have exact answer to riddle ready.