Relationship Relator Pillows

"Agamemnon and Clytemnestra have decided to separate amicably."

"I'd like the garden salad with the blue cheese dressing, and my mother would like me married by age thirty."

"No, no - it was great. It's just that sometime I'd like to try it missionary style."

'Oh, Arthur...You sweet, blind, mad, dear, silly fool....Don't you see it could never last?'

"I can't decide if we're good people who are bad at communicating, or monsters who communicate perfectly."

"You owe me five bucks."

"Get me this...get me that...fluff my pillow...I don't feel well...if I wanted to listen to that all day, I wouldn't have left my husband!"

"I feel we haven't moved beyond parallel play."

"Perhaps later on we can go back to my psychiatrist's office for some couples therapy?"

Try Mediation

"O.K. I'm just feeding in your personal details for a suitable match..."

Window Treatment

"I'm more of a 'How Jen stays thin' person than a 'Why Jen won't let Brad alone' person."

'Life is all attitude: 45 seconds of enjoying it...45,000 hours of regretting it...'

"...until death do you a favor."

"Remember back in the day when I was a real heartbreaker?" "Riiight... now the only thing you break is wind."

"Darling, I think we need to talk about where this relationship is going..." Male evolution.

'...honestly I just feel like we don't communicate like we used to!'

'That was close...hit me right in the wallet.'

"Harold, you've changed."

"And there was I thinking you'd been Beta tested."

"I want to be straight with you, Cathy—I've gone through a number of cars in my life."

"I do have a special someone, but he sucks."

'When he said it would be 'me and him against the world' I had no idea everyone was already mad at him.'

"...And do you promise if you ever should divorce that you'll remain friends?"

'Scratch 3 and 5. 3's had a fight and 5's just going to live together instead.'

"Tom, I’d like you to meet Chris. Chris is better than you."

"Oh no. Is that my ex?"

Women in bed with her husband reads a book titled 'Sex Stinks'.

'It's been years since she sang my praises.'

"I may be obsessive and I may be compulsive, but no way am I obsessive compulsive."

'I don't like Gerald as a person, but I like him as a concept.'

Awkward First Dates