Relationship Reflectors Pillows

"Sweetie, is this the kind of person you always wanted to be?"

"No land women want me, so I'm off to try my hand in the sea."

Playing House.

'I think we're on different career paths.'

Did you know I stuffed my bra with tissue when we started dating? Did you know I stuffed my wallet with tissue when we started dating?

"I'd like the garden salad with the blue cheese dressing, and my mother would like me married by age thirty."

"I can't decide if we're good people who are bad at communicating, or monsters who communicate perfectly."

"You owe me five bucks."

"Get me this...get me that...fluff my pillow...I don't feel well...if I wanted to listen to that all day, I wouldn't have left my husband!"

"Perhaps later on we can go back to my psychiatrist's office for some couples therapy?"

"...until death do you a favor."

"Remember back in the day when I was a real heartbreaker?" "Riiight... now the only thing you break is wind."

'Life is all attitude: 45 seconds of enjoying it...45,000 hours of regretting it...'

'...honestly I just feel like we don't communicate like we used to!'

'That was close...hit me right in the wallet.'

"Oh no. Is that my ex?"

"I want to be straight with you, Cathy—I've gone through a number of cars in my life."

'Scratch 3 and 5. 3's had a fight and 5's just going to live together instead.'

"I do have a special someone, but he sucks."

Women in bed with her husband reads a book titled 'Sex Stinks'.

"...And do you promise if you ever should divorce that you'll remain friends?"

"Tom, I’d like you to meet Chris. Chris is better than you."

The Map of the Human Heart

"I pray that he will enjoy my pie..." "The smell's enough to make me cry!"

"All the good ones are either married, gay or Viggo Mortensen."

"You'll note that the card isn't signed so my declaration of undying love isn't legally binding!"

'He said he wasn't good enough for me, so I married him because he's the first man to realize that.'

A cartoonist at the doctor, in yoga, at home and in therapy

"We don't have sex any more, we argue about money and you hate my mother. We should be married."

"What happened to the thin crust guy I married?"

"Why won't you cuddle?"

"I do love you, Jerry, but it's somewhere below the conscious level."

"He doesn't fiscally stimulate me anymore."

"You looked a lot bigger on your dating profile."

"I think we could be very happy here until we aren't."