Relationship Reenactor Gifts

Argument-in-IKEA reenactors

Remote control pirate bully

"I'd like the garden salad with the blue cheese dressing, and my mother would like me married by age thirty."

"Let's just say I have a pre-existing condition."

'Sire, your new fortress was fine for your nephew's fifth, but I fear it is set for a sterner test.'

Bird feeding chick that is nesting in a knight's helmet

'A portcullis is SO yesterday!'

Knight Golfing

"Get me this...get me that...fluff my pillow...I don't feel well...if I wanted to listen to that all day, I wouldn't have left my husband!"

Piracy on a boating lake

"You owe me five bucks."

"Perhaps later on we can go back to my psychiatrist's office for some couples therapy?"

"...until death do you a favor."

"Remember back in the day when I was a real heartbreaker?" "Riiight... now the only thing you break is wind."

'Life is all attitude: 45 seconds of enjoying it...45,000 hours of regretting it...'

'...honestly I just feel like we don't communicate like we used to!'

'That was close...hit me right in the wallet.'

"I want to be straight with you, Cathy—I've gone through a number of cars in my life."

Women in bed with her husband reads a book titled 'Sex Stinks'.

"Oh no. Is that my ex?"

"...And do you promise if you ever should divorce that you'll remain friends?"

'Scratch 3 and 5. 3's had a fight and 5's just going to live together instead.'

Missing You.

"I do have a special someone, but he sucks."

"Tom, I’d like you to meet Chris. Chris is better than you."

"I think you'll find the pen is writier than the sword."

'Agreed, 40 years is a long time to wander around, but think of the travel expenses.'

'Why don't you leave the planning of our wedding to me?'

"All the good ones are either married, gay or Viggo Mortensen."

A cartoonist at the doctor, in yoga, at home and in therapy

"I pray that he will enjoy my pie..." "The smell's enough to make me cry!"

'He said he wasn't good enough for me, so I married him because he's the first man to realize that.'

'I think they're up to something.'

"Hear ye! Hear ye! Look, having nuclear - my uncle was a great professor and scientist and engineer, Dr. John Trump at M.I.T. - good genes, very good genes, O.K., very smart. . ."

"We don't have sex any more, we argue about money and you hate my mother. We should be married."