Relationship Reenactor Pillows

Argument-in-IKEA reenactors

Remote control pirate bully

"Let's just say I have a pre-existing condition."

"I'd like the garden salad with the blue cheese dressing, and my mother would like me married by age thirty."

'Sire, your new fortress was fine for your nephew's fifth, but I fear it is set for a sterner test.'

Bird feeding chick that is nesting in a knight's helmet

'A portcullis is SO yesterday!'

Knight Golfing

"Get me this...get me that...fluff my pillow...I don't feel well...if I wanted to listen to that all day, I wouldn't have left my husband!"

"Perhaps later on we can go back to my psychiatrist's office for some couples therapy?"

"You owe me five bucks."

Piracy on a boating lake

"Remember back in the day when I was a real heartbreaker?" "Riiight... now the only thing you break is wind."

"...until death do you a favor."

'Life is all attitude: 45 seconds of enjoying it...45,000 hours of regretting it...'

'...honestly I just feel like we don't communicate like we used to!'

'That was close...hit me right in the wallet.'

"I want to be straight with you, Cathy—I've gone through a number of cars in my life."

"I think you'll find the pen is writier than the sword."

"Oh no. Is that my ex?"

'Scratch 3 and 5. 3's had a fight and 5's just going to live together instead.'

"...And do you promise if you ever should divorce that you'll remain friends?"

Missing You.

Women in bed with her husband reads a book titled 'Sex Stinks'.

"I do have a special someone, but he sucks."

"Tom, I’d like you to meet Chris. Chris is better than you."

'Agreed, 40 years is a long time to wander around, but think of the travel expenses.'

'Why don't you leave the planning of our wedding to me?'

"We don't have sex any more, we argue about money and you hate my mother. We should be married."

A cartoonist at the doctor, in yoga, at home and in therapy

"What happened to the thin crust guy I married?"

'He said he wasn't good enough for me, so I married him because he's the first man to realize that.'

'I think they're up to something.'

"Hear ye! Hear ye! Look, having nuclear - my uncle was a great professor and scientist and engineer, Dr. John Trump at M.I.T. - good genes, very good genes, O.K., very smart. . ."

"All the good ones are either married, gay or Viggo Mortensen."