Relationship Dramatist Pillows

"I'd never say this if Matt weren't in a text trance, but I'm having a fling with our FreshDirect guy."

"May I have the ring back?"

"Do you think your big lottery win's going to change your life at all, dear?"

"Oh no. It's my ex with his new girlfriend. I'd hate him to see how desperate I've become."

"You owe me five bucks."

"I can't believe he brought her."

"I'd like you to be the co-star in the melodrama that is life."

'Hard to follow...'

"And remember, woman... I'm the one who wears the sassy pastel yellow toreador pants in the family!"

She agreed to marry me, but she has to marry three other guys first.

'The trouble with Nigel is that he's so changeable. One minute I love him and the next minute I loathe him.'

"It's alright for you, female worms are everywhere, but when was the last time you saw a Mummy-Long-Legs?"

'Let's forget the duck de la margola and order something else!' (man seeing duck fleeing from cook).

"It's a profit and loss statement. Read it with gusto!"

"I just wanted you to hear it from me first, before you read it in the sky."

"You're the first dog I've introduced to my parents. I know they're gonna love you."

'What a surprise,darling - a squatter!'

'Before you say anything, just let me change my Facebook status to ‘it's complicated'.'

"Don't walk away from me while I'm not paying any attention to you."

"I'll consider your proposal, but first I need a second opinion from your ex-wife."

Lady with an inflatable dinner date.

"Dad, not now!"

'I smell romance! This is his seventh blanket-bath. He only came in for an 'in-growing toe-nail' removal operation, yesterday!'

"I haven't finished saying no yet."

'Some day, son, all of this will be your ex-wife's.'

Wot's the row up the Court, Bill? Bob Smith was kissing my wife, and 'is old woman caught him.

"Oh super! Why do I always draw the short straw?!"

"The worst part is she was sleeping with the guy she had paid to kill me."

Joe bids dolly good-bye

"... Have you passed?... Well, just let me move these five traffic violation tickets that you picked up, out of the way and I'll check your score."

'Heath. . . Cliff!!!'

What They Brought to the Table

'Michael and I are playing 'married.' I'm getting ready and he's sitting in the car beeping the horn.'

When they heard about the potential TikTok Ban

"Osmond! Lower your eyebrows!"