Date Night Dramatist Pillows

Another blind date ends badly for Uncle Pennybags

"You owe me five bucks."

"Oh, Jeff, you swore this wasn't a podcast."

Asking out a palm reader.

'I'm not afraid of commitment, but forever is a really long time.'

The Perfect Foil

'Fish has mercury, meat has e-coli, veggies have pesticides, desserts cause obesity...so we'll have the health-concious nothing for dinner' special.'

'Usually when a man promises me a fish dinner, I naturally assume it will be at a nice restaurant.'

She agreed to marry me, but she has to marry three other guys first.

'May I recommend a dry white with the seafood dish.'

'Hello, Ebeneezer! It's me - the ghost of coming dinner!'

'You forgot your glasses again, didn't you?'

'Are these mushrooms or toadstools? And why are you holding a stomach pump?.'

"Let me give you the Heimlich. That always gets the waiter's attention."

'I've spent a fortune wining and dining you today Julie and now you tell me you love Picasso!'

'Let's forget the duck de la margola and order something else!' (man seeing duck fleeing from cook).

'Lovely soup, just like my mother used to open.'

"So much for watching a Jane Austen movie with my date. He kept waiting for the car chase!"

"If they give you any trouble, find a good babysitter and go out for the evening."

"Do you have anything that would make him seem like a self satisfied pig?"

"It's alright for you, female worms are everywhere, but when was the last time you saw a Mummy-Long-Legs?"

'After you with the camouflage.'

Alarming symptoms after eating boiled beef and gooseberry pie

'The hair plugs are that noticeable, huh?'

"What wine would you recommend to compliment stony silence?"

'It wouldn't work - you're Leo and I'm Sagittarius.'

“Here’s to the 240 bucks we’re paying the sitter.”

"I don't know - I feel like we always split the cheese plate."

'I called this emergency meeting to discuss the lack of respect I've been getting around here lately.'

'He seems nice.'

'Cute girl from philosophy. . . BBQ at Dave's. I wonder if she's going?. . . Flat meeting to talk about me not doing my share.'

'I seem to be very conservative but secretly, I'm a rebel - I don't wear pants.'