Relationship Planner Pillows

'I can't get involved with you, Donald, unless I have an exit strategy.'

'I gave my boyfriend an engagement calendar for his birthday but he didn't take the hint.'

In the Guru District

'Please tell me you're baby sitting?'

"What's that? I asked for a teal lichen. That's a brown thread. Are you trying to upset me?"

"I don't love you. That's it in a nutshell."

"Yes, I'm from London. 'Which part?' you ask. Well all of me!"

'My understanding of psychiatry is that women fantasiss and men internalise - in fact I'd like to internalise right now.'

'Charlie is the first to admit that he's too old for me.'

Man dreams of romance whilst a woman dreams of romance and babies.

'Now what brings you lovely people here?'

"No, the cordless embryo isn't available."

"Why don't you find a museum!"

"Just keep quiet and listen to what we have to say."

"I feel we haven't moved beyond parallel play."

"They met in the express-checkout lane at the A.&P. and have slowed down only occasionally ever since."

"We'll always have couples therapy."

"No, I really DO love you. It's just that my committee has some issues."

Try Mediation

Couples' therapy

Window Treatment

"O.K. I'm just feeding in your personal details for a suitable match..."

Tunnel of Love/Tunnel of Marriage

Don't worry, I see babies, lots of babies...

"She wanted to go to the beach. I wanted to golf."

"I've switched my energy provider, and I switched my broadband provider. Now I want to switch my misery provider."

"Excuse me, but for some reason you have us traveling with our kids."

'Great Therapy!'

"What's going on Jen? Why didn't you respond to my kissing emoji?"

"Maybe we should have just had a baby..."

"Just remember if we don't enjoy it we can claim it as a tax-deductible business meeting..."

"He keeps reissuing everything I take issue with."

'When we first met there was a chemistry between us. These days though, it's more of a 'chemistry set'.'

"Yeah. But he's a handful."

"I'm getting so old I don't remember where I buried my bone..."