Relationship Planner Mugs

Long time no see, Darlene. That was by design. I've booked you under "mad, passionate midlife crisis fling with a guy my family and friends would disapprove of." That's scheduled for March 2017 - February 2018. But if you say anything dumb between now and then that renders you unattractive, I'll have to replace you. It'd be tough to vet a sub at this late a date. I don't know the meaning of the word "dumb." ... Tough, but not impossible.

Benjamin will be my steady-and-sensible second husband, but Gabe will be my gorgeous-yet-immature first husband.

'I can't get involved with you, Donald, unless I have an exit strategy.'

'I gave my boyfriend an engagement calendar for his birthday but he didn't take the hint.'

In the Guru District

'Please tell me you're baby sitting?'

"What's that? I asked for a teal lichen. That's a brown thread. Are you trying to upset me?"

"I don't love you. That's it in a nutshell."

"Yes, I'm from London. 'Which part?' you ask. Well all of me!"

'My understanding of psychiatry is that women fantasiss and men internalise - in fact I'd like to internalise right now.'

'Now what brings you lovely people here?'

Man dreams of romance whilst a woman dreams of romance and babies.

'Charlie is the first to admit that he's too old for me.'

"Just keep quiet and listen to what we have to say."

"I feel we haven't moved beyond parallel play."

"They met in the express-checkout lane at the A.&P. and have slowed down only occasionally ever since."

"Why don't you find a museum!"

"We'll always have couples therapy."

"No, the cordless embryo isn't available."

"No, I really DO love you. It's just that my committee has some issues."

Couples' therapy

Try Mediation

Window Treatment

"O.K. I'm just feeding in your personal details for a suitable match..."

"What's going on Jen? Why didn't you respond to my kissing emoji?"

Don't worry, I see babies, lots of babies...

"Excuse me, but for some reason you have us traveling with our kids."

'Great Therapy!'

"I've switched my energy provider, and I switched my broadband provider. Now I want to switch my misery provider."

"She wanted to go to the beach. I wanted to golf."

Tunnel of Love/Tunnel of Marriage

"Maybe we should have just had a baby..."

I want to rip out our lawn and plant a wild meadow. And I want lost of well-mown grass. What do you recommend? Nursery open. Just a sec. I'll check with my dad. No way! Tree's Tree Nursery. I'm not suggesting a marriage counselor!

"Just remember if we don't enjoy it we can claim it as a tax-deductible business meeting..."

"I've been out of the dating scene a long time. Is kissing still a thing?"