Relationship Dynamics Observers Pillows

'Here's what she was reading - an articl called 'Parents can be fun'.'

"Oh yes, he's definitely being sarcastic. It doesn't stop him doing what he's told though, does it dear?"

"Evidence suggests she was working on the puzzle, got up to make tea, husband enters and puts last piece in..."

"Remember that time you tried to kill me?"

"The TV remote? So, I decide what we watch tonight?"

I really think I can handle this date on my own. Lemme ask you something. Would you trust me alone with a ybot 340? An Xbox 360? They changed the name? Okay. But you cannot hit on my date. I'm only here to help.

'When he said it would be 'me and him against the world' I had no idea everyone was already mad at him.'

'Men order. . . women shop.'

"Hey. Whatever happened to our sexual relations? "

Awkward First Dates

"My wife has always encouraged me... ...to quit this stupid dream and get a real job." ... "You have a wife?"

"What's so wrong with always living in the present?"

"And remember, woman... I'm the one who wears the sassy pastel yellow toreador pants in the family!"

'Charles, you're carrying this 'king of the castle' business too far!'

'We just don't talk anymore, Gerald!'

'..and if you must yawn tonight keep your mouth shut.'

"Steak, Richard, is just grown up veal."

"I thought we agreed that the dining room was a buffer zone."

"My wife and I handle our own finances. I'm an accountant and she's a grief counselor."

"Is this your bright idea, Janet?"

"When I take your arm Charlene, there's no need to flex."

"Did you honestly expect our couples therapist to know when Jacoby Ellsbury will be off the disabled list?!"

Monogamy

'Do you take this annoying woman to be your lawful wedded wife?'

“I don’t mind doing the dishes every night—it gives me time to deepen my resentment.”

'Tell me father, why do only 10% of women go to heaven? Because if they all went, it would be hell.'

"You call that worrying?"

'We should talk more.'

"Wait ... I always thought taking each other for granted was a good thing!"

"Happy anniversary, dear. How about a second honeymoon?" "Sure. Who with?"

"Oh c'mon, Phil. Everyone knows we only stay together for the giant tortoise."

"Well, it's another brand-new day. What do you say to getting up and looking the damn thing straight in the eye?"

"Are there any available upgrade options?"

Sadie, the way you objectify football players is unconscionable. It's what? All you talk about are their muscles, square jaws, animal intensity. Ooh. What? I live it when you get all puffed up and macho and tough. And what biceps. Much better. Well played. Girl does what she's got to.

"The defense rests."