Relationship Dynamics Observers Pillows

'Here's what she was reading - an articl called 'Parents can be fun'.'

"Oh yes, he's definitely being sarcastic. It doesn't stop him doing what he's told though, does it dear?"

"Evidence suggests she was working on the puzzle, got up to make tea, husband enters and puts last piece in..."

"Remember that time you tried to kill me?"

"The TV remote? So, I decide what we watch tonight?"

'When he said it would be 'me and him against the world' I had no idea everyone was already mad at him.'

'Men order. . . women shop.'

'Charles, you're carrying this 'king of the castle' business too far!'

"What's so wrong with always living in the present?"

"My wife has always encouraged me... ...to quit this stupid dream and get a real job." ... "You have a wife?"

"And remember, woman... I'm the one who wears the sassy pastel yellow toreador pants in the family!"

Awkward First Dates

"Hey. Whatever happened to our sexual relations? "

'We just don't talk anymore, Gerald!'

'..and if you must yawn tonight keep your mouth shut.'

"Did you honestly expect our couples therapist to know when Jacoby Ellsbury will be off the disabled list?!"

"I thought we agreed that the dining room was a buffer zone."

Monogamy

"My wife and I handle our own finances. I'm an accountant and she's a grief counselor."

'Do you take this annoying woman to be your lawful wedded wife?'

"Is this your bright idea, Janet?"

"When I take your arm Charlene, there's no need to flex."

"Steak, Richard, is just grown up veal."

“I don’t mind doing the dishes every night—it gives me time to deepen my resentment.”

'Tell me father, why do only 10% of women go to heaven? Because if they all went, it would be hell.'

"You call that worrying?"

"Oh c'mon, Phil. Everyone knows we only stay together for the giant tortoise."

"Happy anniversary, dear. How about a second honeymoon?" "Sure. Who with?"

"The defense rests."

"Are there any available upgrade options?"

Unmanned drones.

"Well, it's another brand-new day. What do you say to getting up and looking the damn thing straight in the eye?"

"Wait ... I always thought taking each other for granted was a good thing!"

'We should talk more.'

"And do you, Courtney, take this man....Courtney!"