Relationship Counsellor Enthusiast Pillows

"It's so silly. Now I can't even remember why I killed him."

'Progress of a bookshelf'

'Now what brings you lovely people here?'

"Sure, it's more efficient. But I still miss shooting the arrows."

Relationship counselor: 'She started behaving strangely, and our man-machine interface has become unpredictable.'

"You've changed."

Relationship Warning Lights

"No, I really DO love you. It's just that my committee has some issues."

"Will you listen to the same three anecdotes until one of you dies?"

"I've switched my energy provider, and I switched my broadband provider. Now I want to switch my misery provider."

"OK, fine. Perhaps 'sower of discord in the lower depths of hell' was overstating it."

"You've reached Randy the love doctor. What ails you?"

"When I ask questions, I expect answers!"

Paint pots in love

"I don't know about you, but I'm ready to take this marriage full-throttle."

"What I’ve learned is you have to look deep inside your heart and ask yourself, ‘What is it that she really wants to hear?’"

"I recommend that you two find a way to spice up your shelf life."

"We hope seeing a marriage counselor maybe could make one of us less stubborn!"

"How do I love thee….? Let me count the ways…" "I'm going to want a recount."

"And anyway we'd be no good in bed - I've done the math."

Urns in love

"I don’t know how many ways I can explain it. One morning you’ll just wake up and know that you’re in love."

(Man with 'BEFORE sign): 'My wife says I'm a work-in-progress.'

'Mona Lisa, would it make you happy if I gave you a foot massage every night?'

'...till death, or a really huge argument over ringtones, do you part.'

"It will be all your fault."

"Take a look - that's us in ninety years."

"I'm not laughing at you, dear-I'm laughing with everyone but you."

Catch and release dating.

Planned Parenthood: Not Tonight Dear. I Have a Headache.

"Now look, Frank, Molly, there's nothing wrong with a Polar Bear and a Penguin being in a relationship. In fact, in my experience, Polar opposites attract!"