Relationship Confidant Pillows

Rudy, please stop live blogging everything you do. On verge of argument. I'd hate the world to know our most intimate secrets. Sharing is what it's all about. For instance, I'd hate them to know that if you don't stop live blogging you'll never get any nookie. Now where were we? Capitulating.

Licensed Therapist

"Sometimes ... I just want to run away."

'I know he doesn't like this house, but he'll just have to get used to it.'

I really think I can handle this date on my own. Lemme ask you something. Would you trust me alone with a ybot 340? An Xbox 360? They changed the name? Okay. But you cannot hit on my date. I'm only here to help.

Time for tea and friendship.

"Who's a good boy? You're a good boy."

"Have you tried barking at the moon?"

A baby playing on a grand piano

"Your love gives me strength."

Of course your master calls you 'Man's best friend'. As your attorney I advise you to get it in writing.

"You're missing the whole gestalt of Frisbee!"

'You know, if you had one of those bumper stickers, I wouldn't be in doggy-therapy.'

"Nobody listens to me complain quite like you do."

"I've been getting really excited about squirrels even when my dog isn't with me."

Personal Assistants.

'Don't worry, son. This bed inking incident will be our little secret.'

'A common problem - we all give them our undivided love and devotion.'

"So tell me more about the dog sitter."

Spa Dog

'I've been depressed ever since PBS said pigs are smarter than dogs!'

"It's my box of secrets. It has things I've thought about but would never tell anyone!"

'Don't get me wrong, the professional dog-walker is nice, but it is not really the same as if my Master was walking me...'

Wearing bras in 2020.

"I feel like my emotional baggage is permanently stuck on the luggage carousel."

"See? This is what I'm talking about! If you always show how happy you are to see everyone, you give them all the power in the relationship!"

With his mothers persuasion, Joe decided to 'come clean' to the police!

"He's anxious to resume perpetrating his usual activities."

'My wife doesn't understand us.'

"Glen, I'm not just your editor. I'm also your best friend, and I'm telling you, lose the cat."

"I know she's only pretending to throw the ball but I still run for it."

"So tell me, what exactly does fear smell like?"

"Of course homeworking has lots of advantages."

Mums at play group.

"I'm not sure if my name is sit, stay, or get off the couch!"