Relatable Relationship Trials Pillows

"I'd like the garden salad with the blue cheese dressing, and my mother would like me married by age thirty."

"You owe me five bucks."

"Perhaps later on we can go back to my psychiatrist's office for some couples therapy?"

"Get me this...get me that...fluff my pillow...I don't feel well...if I wanted to listen to that all day, I wouldn't have left my husband!"

I love Lawyers

'Life is all attitude: 45 seconds of enjoying it...45,000 hours of regretting it...'

"Remember back in the day when I was a real heartbreaker?" "Riiight... now the only thing you break is wind."

"...until death do you a favor."

'...honestly I just feel like we don't communicate like we used to!'

'That was close...hit me right in the wallet.'

Sexual chemistry set

Women in bed with her husband reads a book titled 'Sex Stinks'.

"Oh no. Is that my ex?"

'Scratch 3 and 5. 3's had a fight and 5's just going to live together instead.'

"Bailiff."

'... And it's been ages since he last swashed his buckle!'

"I do have a special someone, but he sucks."

"Tom, I’d like you to meet Chris. Chris is better than you."

"...And do you promise if you ever should divorce that you'll remain friends?"

"I want to be straight with you, Cathy—I've gone through a number of cars in my life."

"Not guilty but prepared to settle out of court, your honour."

"Gimme a 'D'! Gimme an 'N'! Gimme an 'A'!"

"Very Presidential."

"We don't have sex any more, we argue about money and you hate my mother. We should be married."

A cartoonist at the doctor, in yoga, at home and in therapy

"I pray that he will enjoy my pie..." "The smell's enough to make me cry!"

"The Gross National Product and the Gross Domestic Product are doing okay. It's the Gross Domestic Mojo that's going down the toilet."

"What happened to the thin crust guy I married?"

"Mr. McMurdo has been called 'guilty as the day is long.' And yet, do not biblical scholars tell us a day can mean many things?"

'He said he wasn't good enough for me, so I married him because he's the first man to realize that.'

"Helen, I have decided to seek a change of venue, since it has grown increasingly obvious that I can no longer get a fair trial in this household."

"All the good ones are either married, gay or Viggo Mortensen."

"I've learned something in this trial. My firm needs to hire that prosecutor."

"Never mind what I did, Your Honor. I want to be judged for who I am, as an individual."

"I do love you, Jerry, but it's somewhere below the conscious level."