Reindeer Retires Gifts

"There goes another childhood illusion. When I was a kid, he had eight reindeer."

"You've been so good to us all these years. Is there anything we can do to repay you?"

'You and your 'Rescue the Reindeer' campaign!'

'That'll be four twenty for the beers and sixty quid for the Xmas decorations.'

"I used to love power, but now I'm more interested in mileage."

That one has all the batteries!

"We don't care about his nose. We won't let him play because he's not vaccinated and won't wear a mask!"

Two old superheroes on a park bench feeding the birds.

"Have you heard? There's talk about raising the retirement age to 170?"

"He was just hanging about in the shed, so I had him repurposed."

"Since being semi-retired everything I do is half-assed."

'When I was young, I said I'd make it big or know the reason why - Well, I sure know the reason why!'

Every so often, Madeline gets carried away.

"Your brow is definitely more furrowed than it used to be!"

"No, you definitely wouldn't get Christmas Eve off."

The fate that awaits us all: creeping Rooneyism

'Ok you two, where the hell is Dancer?!'

'Honey, I'm home - for good.'

"You really need to think about getting glasses."

"No more swinging from tree to tree! Now I take the bus and I even get a senior discount!"

'I'll see your diuretic and raise you three anti-depressants.'

'I'll review your salary next spring.'

"Sometimes I wish I could just jump into the dryer and come out wrinkle-free!"

Hold those deer to you near to you this Christmas.

Elephants never scared me. I once chased three of them into the river/I was able - before I lost my teeth - to bite a crocodile's tail right off / I'll never forget the time I roared so loud, twenty or maybe thirty monkeys fell right out of the tree.

"We'll see how it goes. It's Santa's first year with the genetically modified deer."

Too old to rock'n'roll now, Sir?

"Death coach..."

Reindeer

"Oh yes, we expect to replace you very soon. After all, the qualifications for the job aren't much."

“Typical, first we lost our winter fuel payment, and now our woolly jumpers!”

Best Scapegoat

'Somewhere along the way, I went from lambada to lumbago.'

'I don't want this job. I worked all my life and retired. I like being retired.'

'You'll have to excuse Gerald - he suffers from Seasonal Affected Disorder' (Naked man in arm chair in living room)