Retiring Head Gifts

'I'm sure you'll all agree...30 years of service...Head of Department...leader...role model...father figure...foundation stone...what a self-serving bastard.'

"I used to love power, but now I'm more interested in mileage."

Two old superheroes on a park bench feeding the birds.

"Have you heard? There's talk about raising the retirement age to 170?"

'When I was young, I said I'd make it big or know the reason why - Well, I sure know the reason why!'

Academics At The Beach: The Old Man And The Sea

"Since being semi-retired everything I do is half-assed."

"Your brow is definitely more furrowed than it used to be!"

The fate that awaits us all: creeping Rooneyism

'Honey, I'm home - for good.'

"No more swinging from tree to tree! Now I take the bus and I even get a senior discount!"

'I'll see your diuretic and raise you three anti-depressants.'

'I'll review your salary next spring.'

Elephants never scared me. I once chased three of them into the river/I was able - before I lost my teeth - to bite a crocodile's tail right off / I'll never forget the time I roared so loud, twenty or maybe thirty monkeys fell right out of the tree.

Happy Retirement

'I want to give my children all the things I never had. Then move in with them.'

Too old to rock'n'roll now, Sir?

"Oh yes, we expect to replace you very soon. After all, the qualifications for the job aren't much."

“Typical, first we lost our winter fuel payment, and now our woolly jumpers!”

Best Scapegoat

"Death coach..."

'Somewhere along the way, I went from lambada to lumbago.'

'I don't want this job. I worked all my life and retired. I like being retired.'

'You'll have to excuse Gerald - he suffers from Seasonal Affected Disorder' (Naked man in arm chair in living room)

Senior PGA Moment.

'Ferguson here will explain the 'worst case scenario' of Social Security Privatization.'

'Relax - we're retired, we don't have any teeth.'

"I just learned that my golden parachute was not properly packed."

'Can't you forget you were an art teacher?'

'Something tells me asking him to delay his retirement may be futile.'

"I want to quit, spend more time with my family, finish grade 3....."

The Great Pyramid of Geezers

'It's a demonstration by retired CEOs who refuse to give up their bonuses.'