Red Wine Explorer Gifts

'Ahh, the '74 Amarone. Unfortunately, I can't sell it to you. There's no possible way you'd appreciate it.'

'A cheeky red?'

"Is there any way I can un-drink this wine?"

"Which wine would you pair with the complimentary bread and butter?"

'So it's the Mumm's Cordon Rouge, '98 Pouilly-Fuisse, '86 Chateau Margaux, and the '92 Barsac - would you like any food?'

'This is the last time we hire former Cirque du Soleil members as stompers.'

'They say you have to drink 4 times as much merlot as pinot noir to get the same level of anti-oxidants. Isn't that just too, too bad?'

'So much for your theory that mixing two 50-point-rated wines equals one rated 100.'

"Karen's idea of wine reduction..."

'We drove 800 miles for this? If I wanted to look at a roomful of dusty bottles, we could have visited your mother.'

'When we bought this place we thought we'd only be making wine. Apparently, we're also into spirits.'

'Would you like some of our house wine? I just made it.'

Complaints Desk

'Apparently, my wine-tasting computer liked the '86 Haut Brion a bit too much - it didn't leave any for us.'

'I feel cosmopolitan tonight, Joe - Give me a scotch with an irish Chaser.'

'There's over 500,000 different wines? Bernie, we've got work to do!'

California Beverages Map

"As it happens, we don't produce any beer flavored wine."

"I've joined a wine-lovers club. . . so far there are only three members."

"This family-owned boutique wine is produced from a single grape."

'Red for me, please.'

Pat's Bar, Rotgut Tasting 5-7.

"I was really impressed by the way you sent back the wine, though it did come in second to the waiter's uppercut."

'You know, this is the 2nd bottle of this I've opened, and I still have no idea what it tastes like.'

'I think we're all safe now. Go ahead and say spatlese.'

Wine: New & Old!!!

"Wine not?"

"I find a good cabernet is the best way to put my money where my mouth is."

"What wine goes well with £5.52p?"

'Twenty-five years for buying a Chateau Beychevelle from out-of-state: On the bright side, when you get out, it'll be ready to drink.'

'I failed my wine appreciation class. I swirled, sniffed and spilled out every sample perfectly. If only I had remembered to taste them.'

'He's giving us a final request? Ask for a glass of Beaujolais Nouveau - that'll give us till November.'

'All drinks are double the normal price - it makes me happy.'

Blue wine

Dutch Courage